April 15, 2006 5:39pm

I wish I didn't come home this weekend.

Anxiety is the worst feeling in the world.

Okay, here's what happened. Remember my mystery man? Well, he's still there. I went to lunch with a friend of mine yesterday and halfway through lunch she tells me that there's something I should know....

...she proceeds to tell me about this guy (we'll call him mean man) who she knows who is also mystery man's friend of 30+ years. Granted, they haven't spoken in almost a year but they were always close and periodically would go on these "friend breaks" where they don't speak for a while. Mystery man told me about this. I knew they were in a non-talking stage.

She makes a phone call and thrusts the phone into my hand. She called Mean Man. He proceeded to tell me that everything Mystery Man has ever told me is a lie. Um...okee. Like what?

Me: What does he lie about?
Mean Man: Well, tell me what he told you and I'll tell you if it's a lie.
Me: How about you tell me what you think I should know about him.
Mean Man: I don't know what he's told you. But he lies about everything.
Me: Like what?
Mean Man: I don't think he has a job right now. That business that he says is his is really mine. He doesn't work for me.

Okay, let's evaluate this. Mystery Man has 3 children from a previous marriage. Since our dates haven't been at the county jail, I'd venture to say that he's working.

So Mean Man went on to tell me all these other things that he says are lies.

At this point, I'm shaking. I feel sick and don't know what to do. I'm sitting in the middle of a restaurant and just want to fall apart right there.

But I don't.

Then he goes into....

Mean Man: So, how do you feel about all this?
Me: Um. Shocked, I guess.
Mean Man: Well, I'd rather that you didn't tell him I talked to you because that could create a lot of problems.
I should note here that Mean Man said this is a rather mean way, which is why I'm calling him 'Mean Man'.
I would prefer that you told him you go all of this through _____ (friend), but not from me directly.


Sounding sketchy? Also remember that I've known Mystery Man for about 4 years and have never met Mean Man.

Let's say I didn't already trust Mystery Man completely. I'm in a bit of a fragile state right now so trust is a hard thing for me. So let's evaluate the facts....

Mystery Man has always looked me in the eye when talking to me. Even to the point of repositioning me when I was in a very comfy spooning position with him on the couch when he wanted to tell me something important about himself that I didn't know.

Never gave lots of details about events (in other words, explains things like a normal guy, not one who is fabricating a story).

The things he has told me...some of them aren't so flattering to him. I know the good and the bad. If he were a pathological liar, it would be all good.


Then the drama really started. I called Mystery Man and told him what happened. He got really mad. Really really mad. To the point that I almost thought he was mad at me, but I asked and he assured me that his emotions were not directed at me.

The long and short of it is that Mean Man seems to hate Mystery Man for reasons not fully understood. Why I had to be dragged into it is also not fully understood.

So, Mystery Man was really upset last night and we ended up not going out. He wanted to be alone. This is something I can't understand and went into full on "Why are you shutting me out?" mode. Is this a guy thing? Do women reach out and men internalize? I don't get it.

It was just as well we didn't go out because I completely lost my appetite.

After, oh, a gazillion voicemails to Mystery Man I finally fell asleep. He called about 10am and then I talked to him again a few hours later. I won't get to see him this weekend since he's working for the rest of it and I go back to school Monday.

I'm pissed he wouldn't come over on the only night we were going to get to see each other. I'm pissed that this drama happened. I don't understand the wanting to be alone. I do understand how the loss of a lifetime friend is almost like a death and involves a grieving process. I am glad he didn't shut me out completely and at least called this morning.

But really. I do not need this right now! It will all calm down in a few days. I'm back at school for a month and a half anyway. We'll see what happens this summer.

This wouldn't be so complicated if I didn't know him for so long and already care about him so much. If he hadn't become my Mystery Man, this post would have been about my friend who is having a hard time right now and I don't know what to do for him. Since we started seeing each other, it just adds on another level of emotion.

Instead, it's about me feeling left out of the crisis in the life of the guy I'm seeing and why I'm so bummed about it.