Had a wonderful weekend with Roger here. We went up to Buckhannon where I'm moving this summer to start my rotations. I signed the lease for my house. On the ride there and back, I educated him on some fine American music he was never exposed to. One just can't go a lifetime without hearing some Miles Davis and John Coltrane, really.
Monday night, Nathan came over to study OPP. This made for an interesting night when he saw all my new and improved organic, toxin-free stuff and the text book on Integrative Medicine that I bought.
He put his head in his hands and said, "You've gone liberal blue on me! You've gone liberal! I can't believe this."
Well, that's not true. But it was funny seeing him freak out. Especially since our friendship began in Anatomy lab when he looked over our dead body and asked, "Are you a flaming liberal?" I said no, I wasn't. From that point on, we've gotten along great.
I'm trying my best to not be annoying to others in my new green phase. I remember when everyone I knew was either on Weight Watchers or the Atkins Diet. Going out to dinner was a nightmare because they all wanted to tell me how many points my food was worth, or how many carbs I was eating. I really didn't care, and I found it annoying that someone felt the need to tell me that.
So, I'm keeping it to myself (except, of course, with Nathan, for whom it seems to be a point of irritation and, therefore, entertainment for me).
That aside, I wanted to mention a point that BBM brought up in a comment. She's right, all this crap is expensive. It sucks. I don't get it. Well, I mean, I kinda do. There's less of it and less of a demand for it so it's more expensive. The only way organic and hormone free food would become cheaper is if it became the only way to produce food. But right now, commercial farms rule the industry and they can manage to produce a massive amount of food, while smaller farms have to make less at a time.
And I don't know how a family manages to afford it. For me it's not too hard. It's just me here so the amount of food (and cleaning products, and paper products, etc) that I need to buy is rather limited. Since I pay more for the stuff, I am more conscious of what I am spending (a good thing) and I try to not let things spoil and waste (also a good thing). But I don't know how this would be managable for a family that is already counting every penny. An extra $2 for a half gallon of milk is a lot when you go through it in a day. It doesn't make that much difference when I buy a quart at a time and it takes me over a week to finish it.
It sucks, but unless there is some massive revolution in our eating and buying practices, I don't see it getting cheaper.
Just like it's really convenient for a movie star to buy a pimped out hybrid, when the average person is just hoping that the muffler on their 89 Toyota with 200,000 miles on it doesn't fall off.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
April 25, 2007 11:52pm
Roger is coming down this weekend to visit. Actually, he's driving down tomorrow night! Yay!
And perfect timing for me to be cranky, bloated, and just generally feeling like a PMSing bitch.
I think I have my housing situation worked out for moving to Buckhannon. Roger and I are going to take a drive up there on Saturday to check out a place that I am probably going to rent.
School is draining the life juice out of me.
Speaking of juice, my "going green" plan has started to get out of control. I did some research in the library at school on pesitcides and children. I'm having the librarian get me some articles on organic food, pesticide levels in the blood, and nutrient levels of food. I also just bought a text book on integrative medicine.
See, I'm the kind of person who can't just like something. I have to become completely obsessed with it.
And perfect timing for me to be cranky, bloated, and just generally feeling like a PMSing bitch.
I think I have my housing situation worked out for moving to Buckhannon. Roger and I are going to take a drive up there on Saturday to check out a place that I am probably going to rent.
School is draining the life juice out of me.
Speaking of juice, my "going green" plan has started to get out of control. I did some research in the library at school on pesitcides and children. I'm having the librarian get me some articles on organic food, pesticide levels in the blood, and nutrient levels of food. I also just bought a text book on integrative medicine.
See, I'm the kind of person who can't just like something. I have to become completely obsessed with it.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
April, 21, 2007 12:21pm
So I have a new obsession....going green.
I'm not entirely sure why this has happened to me. Growing up, my family was always fairly anti-recycling (because of the effort), and I adopted that philosophy when I moved to a town where recycling was optional.
But I have changed. I think it's because all of the people on tv who are "green" always look so happy and healthy and peaceful. Somewhere in my mind, I associate the use of organic cotton with inner peace.
We'll have to see if it works.
Oprah had a show about this yesterday. She had guests on who talking about all the environment-friendly things that people can do. I was a little bummbed because I already do most of them, and those that I don't do require lifestyle changes that I'm just not willing to make (ie installing low flow shower heads....um...no).
I've been trying to eat organic. I buy exclusively organic dairy products (as long as I can find them) and I buy all the organic veggies I can from the rather sad selection that Kroger offers. I can't seem to find organic meat, but I'm working on that problem.
Next, I'm going to try to switch to chemical free cleaners. I found a company called Gaiam that sells all kinds of stuff like that. Some things they have are way beyond what I'm willing to try (like the toilet water sink) but I'm intriuged by composting. Mostly for the same reason that I like watching my laundry agitate in the washing machine. I like seeing stuff happen, and the idea of seeing my trash break down right in front of me gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling. It might inspire me to garden more because I'll have all that nifty fertilizer right there. I'm a bit concerned about the smell, though. Where the hell does one keep something like that?
I must get back to studying. We have an exam on Monday and I am procrastinating terribly.
I'm not entirely sure why this has happened to me. Growing up, my family was always fairly anti-recycling (because of the effort), and I adopted that philosophy when I moved to a town where recycling was optional.
But I have changed. I think it's because all of the people on tv who are "green" always look so happy and healthy and peaceful. Somewhere in my mind, I associate the use of organic cotton with inner peace.
We'll have to see if it works.
Oprah had a show about this yesterday. She had guests on who talking about all the environment-friendly things that people can do. I was a little bummbed because I already do most of them, and those that I don't do require lifestyle changes that I'm just not willing to make (ie installing low flow shower heads....um...no).
I've been trying to eat organic. I buy exclusively organic dairy products (as long as I can find them) and I buy all the organic veggies I can from the rather sad selection that Kroger offers. I can't seem to find organic meat, but I'm working on that problem.
Next, I'm going to try to switch to chemical free cleaners. I found a company called Gaiam that sells all kinds of stuff like that. Some things they have are way beyond what I'm willing to try (like the toilet water sink) but I'm intriuged by composting. Mostly for the same reason that I like watching my laundry agitate in the washing machine. I like seeing stuff happen, and the idea of seeing my trash break down right in front of me gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling. It might inspire me to garden more because I'll have all that nifty fertilizer right there. I'm a bit concerned about the smell, though. Where the hell does one keep something like that?
I must get back to studying. We have an exam on Monday and I am procrastinating terribly.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
April 17, 2007 10:00pm
My apologies for not updating at all last week.
I went home to NJ for spring break, and I just got tied up with stuff. By the time I'd get around to checking email, I was too tired to formulate a post.
In summary:
Saw my sisters for Easter. Had a wonderful time visiting with them. I drove into NJ Thursday night after I finished at a dr's office seeing patients. I developed a severe, severe migraine Thursday morning that did not go away until about 11pm. It was the first time I ever had a migraine with an aura. I saw flashing lights about 20 minutes before the headache started. Worst one I ever had.
I rolled into NJ after midnight. By that time, my sisters had all already gotten there. Blair was staying at my house so my mom let her in. I walked in with all my stuff and a bottle of Grey Goose and some Tonic because I lubs my sistah!
Friday I had a wonderful time taking my niece, Tessa, to get a pedicure. She's 5 and when I told her where we were going she proclaimed that "My one life's wish has been granted!".
Saturday was my day to make dinner for everyone at my place. I love, love, love cooking so this was great for me. While I was on my way to the grocery store, I decided to call Roger and ask him if he would like to join us. At first, he danced around it and said he didn't want to intrude. Blah blah blah. I had shopping to do so I hung up. 5 minutes later, he calls back and asks if the offer still stands. He arrived a few hours later with flowers. He met my sisters and my mom. It all went well :-) He seemed to have a nice time.
Sunday was Easter. We all congregated at my mom's for food. We ate and ate.
Monday, Roger came down and we went out for sushi.
Tuesday....I don't remember what happened on Tuesday. Oh yes, I went to the dentist.
Wednesday I had lunch with a friend, then I drove up to Roger's place. I did some osteopathic super duper manipulation on him because he was having some back and neck problems. We went to dinner.
Thursday, my friends Ryan and Jess came to stay with me for the night on their way to Sea Isle City for a "sorry you have cancer, but here's a house at the beach for a weekend" program. It was so great to see them! I got to cook for them. Ryan and I stayed up until after 2am talking...that's when Jess came down and scolded us.
Friday evening I went to the NY International Auto Show with Roger. By dinnertime, I was feeling really sick. I had a sore throat, fever, just general nastyness. We stayed in and got some pizza. He rubbed my feetsies and then went and got me ice cream.
On Saturday, it was determined that I had strep and I started some antibiotics. Roger drove down and helped me run errands and pack my truck. I sat on my couch with a blanket and pillow.
So now here I am....back in WV.
I just want to say that the massacre at VT is just unthinkable. My campus will be holding a candlelight vigil tomorrow night at 8pm. I just can't imagine what it was like for those students going through that.
I went home to NJ for spring break, and I just got tied up with stuff. By the time I'd get around to checking email, I was too tired to formulate a post.
In summary:
Saw my sisters for Easter. Had a wonderful time visiting with them. I drove into NJ Thursday night after I finished at a dr's office seeing patients. I developed a severe, severe migraine Thursday morning that did not go away until about 11pm. It was the first time I ever had a migraine with an aura. I saw flashing lights about 20 minutes before the headache started. Worst one I ever had.
I rolled into NJ after midnight. By that time, my sisters had all already gotten there. Blair was staying at my house so my mom let her in. I walked in with all my stuff and a bottle of Grey Goose and some Tonic because I lubs my sistah!
Friday I had a wonderful time taking my niece, Tessa, to get a pedicure. She's 5 and when I told her where we were going she proclaimed that "My one life's wish has been granted!".
Saturday was my day to make dinner for everyone at my place. I love, love, love cooking so this was great for me. While I was on my way to the grocery store, I decided to call Roger and ask him if he would like to join us. At first, he danced around it and said he didn't want to intrude. Blah blah blah. I had shopping to do so I hung up. 5 minutes later, he calls back and asks if the offer still stands. He arrived a few hours later with flowers. He met my sisters and my mom. It all went well :-) He seemed to have a nice time.
Sunday was Easter. We all congregated at my mom's for food. We ate and ate.
Monday, Roger came down and we went out for sushi.
Tuesday....I don't remember what happened on Tuesday. Oh yes, I went to the dentist.
Wednesday I had lunch with a friend, then I drove up to Roger's place. I did some osteopathic super duper manipulation on him because he was having some back and neck problems. We went to dinner.
Thursday, my friends Ryan and Jess came to stay with me for the night on their way to Sea Isle City for a "sorry you have cancer, but here's a house at the beach for a weekend" program. It was so great to see them! I got to cook for them. Ryan and I stayed up until after 2am talking...that's when Jess came down and scolded us.
Friday evening I went to the NY International Auto Show with Roger. By dinnertime, I was feeling really sick. I had a sore throat, fever, just general nastyness. We stayed in and got some pizza. He rubbed my feetsies and then went and got me ice cream.
On Saturday, it was determined that I had strep and I started some antibiotics. Roger drove down and helped me run errands and pack my truck. I sat on my couch with a blanket and pillow.
So now here I am....back in WV.
I just want to say that the massacre at VT is just unthinkable. My campus will be holding a candlelight vigil tomorrow night at 8pm. I just can't imagine what it was like for those students going through that.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
April 3, 2007 8:53pm
So, it looks like my little April Fool's joke had it's intended effect.
Actually, I have to give credit to Beej for putting the idea in my head...oh about a million years ago when she made an April Fool's post to a message board with something to the effect of making cheese out of breast milk. There were other things on it, but that's the one that has stuck in my head for-ev-er. Ever since then, I've wanted to pull my own little shocking prank.
I am not becoming a lesbian. That's fine if it floats your boat, but some girls just can't live without a little dick in their life (wait, ixnay on the little part).
I am not dropping out of medical school. I haven't worked this hard for this long just to leave when I'm halfway though. Besides, I've had some experiences lately that really cemented my love of this.
And I am really, really, really not going to rent out my uterus. All of my body parts are mine and for my use only unless a family member needs a kidney or some bone marrow or something like that.
One more thing, my little joke made me start thinking about the Knot Gang. What has happened to everyone? It's hard to google them since I didn't know everyone's full names.
For those of you not in "the know", The Knot was a section on AOL for wedding planning. There's an internet version that I used in my (ahem) former wedding to douche bag planning. But before AOL jacked with their message boards it was a really cool place on there. I got to meet some of the gals from there in NYC once. I even had one stay with me in NY for a few days.
But there were also a few wackos. The occasional drive-by troll whenever schools were on breaks were common, but there were also regular wackos who proudly displayed their crazyness and then would find internet Rabbis to back up their positions. Ah, memories.
Ok, here's what I remember....
I remember someone with a name like Cowbell or Cowhearder or something like that.
I remember someone who was militant about etiquette (No you tramp! The fork goes on the left! Bitch! Whore!)
I remember a woman named Suzy. She had some weird marriage situation where she was either married to someone way younger than her or possibly way older. She took everything literally and didn't know anything about sex. Maybe it was all an act. Either way, I remember being in a private chat room with her one night trying to explain to her how to give a blow job and explaining what "Do your curtains match your carpet?" meant.
I remember internet Rabbis
I remember moist panties
I remember fishbowl centerpieces
I remember cash bars and dollar dances
C'mon girls, refresh my memory. I know there was other stuff that happened!
Actually, I have to give credit to Beej for putting the idea in my head...oh about a million years ago when she made an April Fool's post to a message board with something to the effect of making cheese out of breast milk. There were other things on it, but that's the one that has stuck in my head for-ev-er. Ever since then, I've wanted to pull my own little shocking prank.
I am not becoming a lesbian. That's fine if it floats your boat, but some girls just can't live without a little dick in their life (wait, ixnay on the little part).
I am not dropping out of medical school. I haven't worked this hard for this long just to leave when I'm halfway though. Besides, I've had some experiences lately that really cemented my love of this.
And I am really, really, really not going to rent out my uterus. All of my body parts are mine and for my use only unless a family member needs a kidney or some bone marrow or something like that.
One more thing, my little joke made me start thinking about the Knot Gang. What has happened to everyone? It's hard to google them since I didn't know everyone's full names.
For those of you not in "the know", The Knot was a section on AOL for wedding planning. There's an internet version that I used in my (ahem) former wedding to douche bag planning. But before AOL jacked with their message boards it was a really cool place on there. I got to meet some of the gals from there in NYC once. I even had one stay with me in NY for a few days.
But there were also a few wackos. The occasional drive-by troll whenever schools were on breaks were common, but there were also regular wackos who proudly displayed their crazyness and then would find internet Rabbis to back up their positions. Ah, memories.
Ok, here's what I remember....
I remember someone with a name like Cowbell or Cowhearder or something like that.
I remember someone who was militant about etiquette (No you tramp! The fork goes on the left! Bitch! Whore!)
I remember a woman named Suzy. She had some weird marriage situation where she was either married to someone way younger than her or possibly way older. She took everything literally and didn't know anything about sex. Maybe it was all an act. Either way, I remember being in a private chat room with her one night trying to explain to her how to give a blow job and explaining what "Do your curtains match your carpet?" meant.
I remember internet Rabbis
I remember moist panties
I remember fishbowl centerpieces
I remember cash bars and dollar dances
C'mon girls, refresh my memory. I know there was other stuff that happened!
Sunday, April 01, 2007
April 1, 2007 8:58pm
I'm finally getting a chance to update everyone like I promised in my last post.
Like I said, I do have some news.
First and foremost, I've decided to leave medical school. I spent a lot of time thinking about this, and I realize now that my heart just isn't in this. The lease on my apartment is up at the end of this month, so I will be slowly moving myself back to NJ. I already notified the school that I will not be finishing the semester.
Second, I decided that to make some money while I am deciding what to do for a career, I will become a surrogate mother. I put my information up on Craigs List and have already received several inquiries. I feel like it is my obligation to rent out my uterus to childless couples. I decided that I will also make a MySpace page for this so that I can reach more people.
Third, and probably the most shocking, is that I've decided to become a lesbian. Now, I know some people say it isn't something you can just "decide" to be, but when I put my mind to something I really intend to do it. Men are just too complicated for me and I think that I really belong in the sisterhood of lesbos.
I'm really exciting about starting my new life.
Like I said, I do have some news.
First and foremost, I've decided to leave medical school. I spent a lot of time thinking about this, and I realize now that my heart just isn't in this. The lease on my apartment is up at the end of this month, so I will be slowly moving myself back to NJ. I already notified the school that I will not be finishing the semester.
Second, I decided that to make some money while I am deciding what to do for a career, I will become a surrogate mother. I put my information up on Craigs List and have already received several inquiries. I feel like it is my obligation to rent out my uterus to childless couples. I decided that I will also make a MySpace page for this so that I can reach more people.
Third, and probably the most shocking, is that I've decided to become a lesbian. Now, I know some people say it isn't something you can just "decide" to be, but when I put my mind to something I really intend to do it. Men are just too complicated for me and I think that I really belong in the sisterhood of lesbos.
I'm really exciting about starting my new life.
Friday, March 30, 2007
March 30, 2007 7:47am
I am about to run out the door to school to take my Endocrine System final.
I have much random nonsense to update on. I will do that later.
For now, I wanted to give everyone a piece of information to file under the "I could have gone my whole life without knowing that and been fine" file.
If you eat Raisin Bran and don't digest the raisins, the next day you will poop Concord Grapes.
I have much random nonsense to update on. I will do that later.
For now, I wanted to give everyone a piece of information to file under the "I could have gone my whole life without knowing that and been fine" file.
If you eat Raisin Bran and don't digest the raisins, the next day you will poop Concord Grapes.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
March 25, 2007 2:09pm
I am pissed today.
Last night, I went to a friend's house. The plan was to do grilling and margaritas. I was excited about this. I brought some booze, a board game, and a frizbee for the dog.
I have never been around a group of women so incapable of conversation.
If they weren't talking about how drunk they planned to get or have gotten in the past, they had nothing to talk about. They started pounding beers and mixed drinks at 4:30 and kept going until 9:30when I left (I'm assuming they continued beyond that). Around 8:30, they started the shots...going shot for shot.
Absolutely pathetic.
I just sat there annoyed at myself for wasting an entire night on this horseshit. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I get.
I find it sad that a generation of women who are smart enough to get themselves into medical school are so stupid that they can't talk about anything but drinking.
When I'm home and spending time with my friends there, I don't have this problem. The women I associate with are bright and able to talk about many different things. They don't need alcohol to have a good time, nor do they need it to be able to converse about anything.
My level of disappointment can't even be expressed in words.
Last night, I went to a friend's house. The plan was to do grilling and margaritas. I was excited about this. I brought some booze, a board game, and a frizbee for the dog.
I have never been around a group of women so incapable of conversation.
If they weren't talking about how drunk they planned to get or have gotten in the past, they had nothing to talk about. They started pounding beers and mixed drinks at 4:30 and kept going until 9:30when I left (I'm assuming they continued beyond that). Around 8:30, they started the shots...going shot for shot.
Absolutely pathetic.
I just sat there annoyed at myself for wasting an entire night on this horseshit. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I get.
I find it sad that a generation of women who are smart enough to get themselves into medical school are so stupid that they can't talk about anything but drinking.
When I'm home and spending time with my friends there, I don't have this problem. The women I associate with are bright and able to talk about many different things. They don't need alcohol to have a good time, nor do they need it to be able to converse about anything.
My level of disappointment can't even be expressed in words.
Friday, March 23, 2007
March 23, 2007 7:42pm
Apparently, my blogging absence has caused a stir in the square states. Mass chaos has erupted and my face is on milk cartons.
I am, indeed, okay. Just been busy. School is kicking my ass straight into next week.
To update....
Roger (eharmony dude) came down here to visit. He stayed for a weekend. We did some fun things. I took him for a drive up into the mountains. We went to dinner at the awesome restaurant in town. I got tickets for a bluegrass band concert. Mostly, we just chilled and talked.
I talk to him about every day or so. He called me today to tell me that he got a promotion. He sounded very excited. I was the first person he told.
I have become addicted to catalogue shopping. I have also developed a fetish for soaps, lotions, oils, creams, etc. I blame Maria for this. She told me about Yves Rocher and encouraged me to buy things from the DHC catalogue when it came. DHC sends you free samples in every catalogue and with every order (that's how they suck you in. It's like a drug dealer who gives you your first hit free!). Yves Rocher is insanely cheap and their stuiff smells really, really good.
My other two obsessions are also Brylane Home and The Lakeside Collection. I can't help myself. Snowmen, easter eggs, cute little decorative "accents". I need them all! The kitchen accessories are my biggest weakness. To make this all worse, QVC has all kitchen and entertaining stuff on today! Fabio help me! I already ordered a ceramic watermellon bowl.
Granted, I'm not spending an absurd amount of money on this. For the most part, I just enjoy drinking a cup of tea and leafing through catalogues of things that I have no intention of buying. It's a disease, a sickness. Maria gave it to me. I need help! Help I tell you!
I've also decided to clean out my clothing collection and replenish it with updated stuff. This, of course, includes accessories. I've been getting jewelry from Overstock.com in their Worldstock section. It's all handmade items probably made my some pygmies making $0.03/hour, and I buy the bracelet for $39.99, but at least I can say it's a handmade "unique" item. I really do like their stuff.
The jewelry and such started because I decided that I didn't have enough bling. In the 8 years that DB and I were together, he rarely bought me any jewelry. I'd ask for it for every birthday, anniversary, valentine's day, and christmas. I'd even go so far as to specifically point out in the jewelry store what I liked or email him links to things online that I wanted. What guy wouldn't be thrilled with that?! Well, I could almost count on getting none of those things.
As a result, I have very little jewelry. It just started to occur to me in the past few months that I really, really like wearing jewelry every day, not just to be dressed up. I love silver and white gold, and I want more of it. I'm an independent woman, damnit! I'm gonna buy my own bling!!
If I remember to take some pictures of my new bling, I'll show it off.
I've been really happy lately. I feel good. I feel better than I have in years, I think. I feel confident in myself. I feel good about where I'm going. I feel like I'm embarking on a life that smells nice and has a silver bracelet in it. :-)
I am, indeed, okay. Just been busy. School is kicking my ass straight into next week.
To update....
Roger (eharmony dude) came down here to visit. He stayed for a weekend. We did some fun things. I took him for a drive up into the mountains. We went to dinner at the awesome restaurant in town. I got tickets for a bluegrass band concert. Mostly, we just chilled and talked.
I talk to him about every day or so. He called me today to tell me that he got a promotion. He sounded very excited. I was the first person he told.
I have become addicted to catalogue shopping. I have also developed a fetish for soaps, lotions, oils, creams, etc. I blame Maria for this. She told me about Yves Rocher and encouraged me to buy things from the DHC catalogue when it came. DHC sends you free samples in every catalogue and with every order (that's how they suck you in. It's like a drug dealer who gives you your first hit free!). Yves Rocher is insanely cheap and their stuiff smells really, really good.
My other two obsessions are also Brylane Home and The Lakeside Collection. I can't help myself. Snowmen, easter eggs, cute little decorative "accents". I need them all! The kitchen accessories are my biggest weakness. To make this all worse, QVC has all kitchen and entertaining stuff on today! Fabio help me! I already ordered a ceramic watermellon bowl.
Granted, I'm not spending an absurd amount of money on this. For the most part, I just enjoy drinking a cup of tea and leafing through catalogues of things that I have no intention of buying. It's a disease, a sickness. Maria gave it to me. I need help! Help I tell you!
I've also decided to clean out my clothing collection and replenish it with updated stuff. This, of course, includes accessories. I've been getting jewelry from Overstock.com in their Worldstock section. It's all handmade items probably made my some pygmies making $0.03/hour, and I buy the bracelet for $39.99, but at least I can say it's a handmade "unique" item. I really do like their stuff.
The jewelry and such started because I decided that I didn't have enough bling. In the 8 years that DB and I were together, he rarely bought me any jewelry. I'd ask for it for every birthday, anniversary, valentine's day, and christmas. I'd even go so far as to specifically point out in the jewelry store what I liked or email him links to things online that I wanted. What guy wouldn't be thrilled with that?! Well, I could almost count on getting none of those things.
As a result, I have very little jewelry. It just started to occur to me in the past few months that I really, really like wearing jewelry every day, not just to be dressed up. I love silver and white gold, and I want more of it. I'm an independent woman, damnit! I'm gonna buy my own bling!!
If I remember to take some pictures of my new bling, I'll show it off.
I've been really happy lately. I feel good. I feel better than I have in years, I think. I feel confident in myself. I feel good about where I'm going. I feel like I'm embarking on a life that smells nice and has a silver bracelet in it. :-)
Friday, March 02, 2007
March 2, 2007 7:57pm
I sorted through my "I'll sort through this later" pile. Actually, it turned into a bag. Inside this bag, I found pens, note pads, a travel mug, and various other pharmaceutical freebies. Bonus! Gee, if I had known it would be like a shopping trip, I would have gone thought it a long time ago.
I have an exam on Monday, so I should be studying.
I'm painfully alone at the moment. It's just too quiet here. Sometimes I really hate not having a roommate, or a close neighbor who is just "there", even if we aren't interacting.
Sigh
On that note, I've made some headway in finding a place to live starting in July. After my unsuccessful attempts at getting housing information from the hospital I will be at, I asked the clinical education office at my school to help me out. I got the name of a real estate agent, and the name of some random dude who rents houses in that area. The random dude is listed on the US Pawnbrokers Association, which just seems shady to me. So I think I'll go with the real estate agency.
I was able to contact Century 21 yesterday and spoke to a very nice woman named Julie/Jane/Janice/Jenny/Jerry (I'm really, really terrible with names). I told her I was looking for a place to rent that would be no more than 2 bedrooms and that would allow me to have a pet. I told a little white lie by saying that I have a dog. I don't actually have the dog yet, but if I start making it seem like dog + me = one unit, then maybe they won't try to say "oh, well, all we can find is this one place that doesn't allow pets."
So, Julie/Janice/Jenny/Jojo told me that she doesn't have anything available right now, but she should be able to find something for me.
Moving is such a pain in the ass, but I have to do it.
I have an exam on Monday, so I should be studying.
I'm painfully alone at the moment. It's just too quiet here. Sometimes I really hate not having a roommate, or a close neighbor who is just "there", even if we aren't interacting.
Sigh
On that note, I've made some headway in finding a place to live starting in July. After my unsuccessful attempts at getting housing information from the hospital I will be at, I asked the clinical education office at my school to help me out. I got the name of a real estate agent, and the name of some random dude who rents houses in that area. The random dude is listed on the US Pawnbrokers Association, which just seems shady to me. So I think I'll go with the real estate agency.
I was able to contact Century 21 yesterday and spoke to a very nice woman named Julie/Jane/Janice/Jenny/Jerry (I'm really, really terrible with names). I told her I was looking for a place to rent that would be no more than 2 bedrooms and that would allow me to have a pet. I told a little white lie by saying that I have a dog. I don't actually have the dog yet, but if I start making it seem like dog + me = one unit, then maybe they won't try to say "oh, well, all we can find is this one place that doesn't allow pets."
So, Julie/Janice/Jenny/Jojo told me that she doesn't have anything available right now, but she should be able to find something for me.
Moving is such a pain in the ass, but I have to do it.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
March 1, 2007 10:28pm
I have come to a crossroads with my hair.
Since I was about 15, I've had super short hair. My hair is naturally very very straight and very very fine. Short hair is easy to maintain and I don't have to fight with it every morning.
I haven't been able to get a haircut for a while. I am well overdue. My hair is now longer than it has been in years. I can still manage it, though.
I'm considering growing it out.
This is not an easy decision. I don't know what the short-long hair transition will require. Will I need to get it cut to get it into some sort of shape that doesn't make me look like a homeless woman? Can I just grow it out?
And once it is grown out, what if I realize it looks as terrible as I feared all along? Huh? Then what do I do?
I'm going to try and not panic about it until my bangs are in my eyes. Well, they're already in my eyes. I mean until they are covering my eyes.
I just don't know what to do with my hair!!!
Since I was about 15, I've had super short hair. My hair is naturally very very straight and very very fine. Short hair is easy to maintain and I don't have to fight with it every morning.
I haven't been able to get a haircut for a while. I am well overdue. My hair is now longer than it has been in years. I can still manage it, though.
I'm considering growing it out.
This is not an easy decision. I don't know what the short-long hair transition will require. Will I need to get it cut to get it into some sort of shape that doesn't make me look like a homeless woman? Can I just grow it out?
And once it is grown out, what if I realize it looks as terrible as I feared all along? Huh? Then what do I do?
I'm going to try and not panic about it until my bangs are in my eyes. Well, they're already in my eyes. I mean until they are covering my eyes.
I just don't know what to do with my hair!!!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
February 28, 2007 7:37pm
Weekend was nice. Mom visited. We did the whole mother-daughter bonding thing.
This week has been uneventful, except for that my sorry ass overcame it's needle fear and.....
Okay, that's not entirely true. After being badgered and made to feel like a piece of shit for never giving blood in my life, I went down to the blood drive being held at school today. Oh, I was chickenshit for sure. I tiptoed in, refused to sign in right away. Insisted on watching what happened to others first. After deciding that it was too humiliating to turn back, I sat down in the chair to go through the pre-blood letting process.
Turns out, my iron is too low. There is some irony (pun intended) in this because I eat a very high protein, high whole grain, high vegetable diet.
My Iron wasn't so low that I'm about to die from lack of hemoglobin or anything. In fact, it's perfvectly normal. It's just too low for the Red Cross. Whatever those vampires do with the blood lowers the iron in it so mine has to be higher.
Well shit!
At least I tried.
This week has been uneventful, except for that my sorry ass overcame it's needle fear and.....
Okay, that's not entirely true. After being badgered and made to feel like a piece of shit for never giving blood in my life, I went down to the blood drive being held at school today. Oh, I was chickenshit for sure. I tiptoed in, refused to sign in right away. Insisted on watching what happened to others first. After deciding that it was too humiliating to turn back, I sat down in the chair to go through the pre-blood letting process.
Turns out, my iron is too low. There is some irony (pun intended) in this because I eat a very high protein, high whole grain, high vegetable diet.
My Iron wasn't so low that I'm about to die from lack of hemoglobin or anything. In fact, it's perfvectly normal. It's just too low for the Red Cross. Whatever those vampires do with the blood lowers the iron in it so mine has to be higher.
Well shit!
At least I tried.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
February 22, 2007 7:46pm
Happy!
Mom is coming tomorrow. We're going to get pizza and chill tomorrow night. Saturday AM, I have a review to go to for pathology, and mom said she'd come along. 3 hours of histopathology? Hmmm.. She wouldn't rather sleep in?
I washed my Uggs tonight. It's one of those things that has been on my "to do" list for so long that I just stopped writing it each week. Well, I finally cleaned them up. There's a few more things on the forgotten "to do" list that I think I want to get on soon. First, is to get rid of all the damn cardboard boxes in my apartment. Second, I need to remove all the Internal Medicine Club junk over to the storage closet at school. Third, I need to organize my CD's, which are in a giant pile of mess right now.
I really love being able to mark things off lists. It gives me a sense of closure and completion (is that even a word?).
I also like my pill box. I only take a few prescription medications every day, but I take a load of assorted vitamins and supplements. Don't worry, I'm not mixing anything dangerous or taking anything bad. At worst, they're doing nothing. At best, I am now protected from heart disease, cancer, Alzheimers and Diabetes. My educated guess is that their true effect lies somewhere between those extremes. Anyway, I bought a pill box from Wal-Mart that has really deep compartments. This is great for me because I take some really huge pills. I have pills for Morning, Noon, Evening, and Bedtime. I am a regular senior citizen! I really feel like I have accomplished something when an entire day's worth of compartments is empty and I know I took everything I was supposed to take.
Alternative medicine and natural remedies have become my new obsession. I've always really loved preventitive medicine (ie hurry up and make the vaccine rather than pussying around with treatments), and I'm really interested in how to incorporate "alternative" medicine into that.
So, right now, I take:
1000mg of Niacin (lowers cholesterol really well and doesn't have the dangerous side effects of statin drugs....yes, this is proven. Ask your doc. He'll give you a Rx for Niacin. It's cheap, cheap, cheap)
2400mg of Omega-3 oils (Heart Healthy! And may or may not help maintain BP)
1 Multi-Vitamin with Folate (cause I don't want a kid with 3 heads one day)
400 IU of Vitamin E (antioxidant)
1000mg of Cinnamon (improves your metabolism of sugar to prevent and/or control Diabetes....yes, this is also pretty well accepted)
4 Tums/day for the Calcium
I am ALWAYS on the prowl for a new, fun vitamin to try. I get giddy when I get my JAMA and see an article about a vitamin or herbal study.
So, if you have any suggestions for how to protect myself from a meteor falling on my head by taking Vitamin A, let me know!
Mom is coming tomorrow. We're going to get pizza and chill tomorrow night. Saturday AM, I have a review to go to for pathology, and mom said she'd come along. 3 hours of histopathology? Hmmm.. She wouldn't rather sleep in?
I washed my Uggs tonight. It's one of those things that has been on my "to do" list for so long that I just stopped writing it each week. Well, I finally cleaned them up. There's a few more things on the forgotten "to do" list that I think I want to get on soon. First, is to get rid of all the damn cardboard boxes in my apartment. Second, I need to remove all the Internal Medicine Club junk over to the storage closet at school. Third, I need to organize my CD's, which are in a giant pile of mess right now.
I really love being able to mark things off lists. It gives me a sense of closure and completion (is that even a word?).
I also like my pill box. I only take a few prescription medications every day, but I take a load of assorted vitamins and supplements. Don't worry, I'm not mixing anything dangerous or taking anything bad. At worst, they're doing nothing. At best, I am now protected from heart disease, cancer, Alzheimers and Diabetes. My educated guess is that their true effect lies somewhere between those extremes. Anyway, I bought a pill box from Wal-Mart that has really deep compartments. This is great for me because I take some really huge pills. I have pills for Morning, Noon, Evening, and Bedtime. I am a regular senior citizen! I really feel like I have accomplished something when an entire day's worth of compartments is empty and I know I took everything I was supposed to take.
Alternative medicine and natural remedies have become my new obsession. I've always really loved preventitive medicine (ie hurry up and make the vaccine rather than pussying around with treatments), and I'm really interested in how to incorporate "alternative" medicine into that.
So, right now, I take:
1000mg of Niacin (lowers cholesterol really well and doesn't have the dangerous side effects of statin drugs....yes, this is proven. Ask your doc. He'll give you a Rx for Niacin. It's cheap, cheap, cheap)
2400mg of Omega-3 oils (Heart Healthy! And may or may not help maintain BP)
1 Multi-Vitamin with Folate (cause I don't want a kid with 3 heads one day)
400 IU of Vitamin E (antioxidant)
1000mg of Cinnamon (improves your metabolism of sugar to prevent and/or control Diabetes....yes, this is also pretty well accepted)
4 Tums/day for the Calcium
I am ALWAYS on the prowl for a new, fun vitamin to try. I get giddy when I get my JAMA and see an article about a vitamin or herbal study.
So, if you have any suggestions for how to protect myself from a meteor falling on my head by taking Vitamin A, let me know!
Saturday, February 17, 2007
February 17, 2007 10:30pm
An exam on Monday....
Mom is coming to visit on Friday.....
That is my upcoming week.
I have a mess of books around me. It's completely disorganized, yet I feel smarter just having them open to random pages.
For those of you who need a visual.....
Please note that the printer/scanner/copier also makes a very handy stand for my Diet Pepsi bottle. If I left it on the desk with the computer, the lamp makes it warm.
I also discovered that my shower is harboring some nasty mildew.
Another visual....
WTF is this stuff?
My shower curtain got some nasty nasty stuff growing in a fold of it.....
It got so out of hand, that it grew legs and ran out on me.....
Honestly, I'm not a slob. I don't know what happened with this bathtub, but something has gone horribly, horribly wrong.
I got some cleaner today from Wal-Mart, but it didn't remove the mildew. I can't find anything to remove mildew, just soap scum. Am I the only person in the world with the crud growing in their shower??
If anyone can identify the mystery mold, please let me know what you think it is.
In other news, I was recently informed that I must stop trying to rescue people from their own mistakes. Even when I'm seeing someone about to do something terrible to their life, I must resist the urge to swoop in, try to stop them, and then get upset when they don't listen to me.
Easier said than done. Having been through some shitty stuff, I feel like it gives my experiences some purpose if I can serve as a warning to others.
"Don't do it! He's immature! You're never going to change him."
But, he's come so far and...
"No! He's never going to change. He's always going to be an unmotivated, directionless child."
You're right. I shouldn't marry him. I need to break up with him.
::beep boop::
"What's that?"
I have a text message. Oooh, he's so sweet. He loves me soooo much!
Sigh.
On one hand, I want to warn my friends when I see disaster approaching. I want to tell them what I see in the tea leaves. I hope I can save them from the same struggles I've had.
On the other, I feel like a hypocrite. Who am I to tell someone else what does and does not make a good relationship? I cringe just thinking about someone making that connection one day and reminding me that I haven't managed to keep a relationship together successfully, so how can I tell them what to do?
I have also recently come up with a brilliantly simple business opportunity. An internet friend matching site. Just hear me out, now. It seems to me that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of internet dating sites. Eharmony, Match, Yahoo Personals, AOL Personals just to name a few. Then there are those for looking for romance within a specific race, religion, political view, occupation, or special interest.
Wouldn't it make sense to have a way to make friends this way as well? If it's so difficult to find a date, isn't it equally (if not more) difficult to find a good friendship? A pal? someone to go to lunch with?
I have looked and looked and can't seem to find any such program. It's so brilliantly simple.
Most people make friends through work, school, or their neighborhood. Well, I live around old people, I don't get along with my classmates, and I have no job right now. So, FindAPal.com would be my perfect option!
Much like my vertical hospital evacuation system idea, I'm fairly sure it is another idea that will go unnoticed until someone else makes a million dollars on it.
Mom is coming to visit on Friday.....
That is my upcoming week.
I have a mess of books around me. It's completely disorganized, yet I feel smarter just having them open to random pages.
For those of you who need a visual.....
Please note that the printer/scanner/copier also makes a very handy stand for my Diet Pepsi bottle. If I left it on the desk with the computer, the lamp makes it warm.
I also discovered that my shower is harboring some nasty mildew.
Another visual....
WTF is this stuff?
My shower curtain got some nasty nasty stuff growing in a fold of it.....
It got so out of hand, that it grew legs and ran out on me.....
Honestly, I'm not a slob. I don't know what happened with this bathtub, but something has gone horribly, horribly wrong.
I got some cleaner today from Wal-Mart, but it didn't remove the mildew. I can't find anything to remove mildew, just soap scum. Am I the only person in the world with the crud growing in their shower??
If anyone can identify the mystery mold, please let me know what you think it is.
In other news, I was recently informed that I must stop trying to rescue people from their own mistakes. Even when I'm seeing someone about to do something terrible to their life, I must resist the urge to swoop in, try to stop them, and then get upset when they don't listen to me.
Easier said than done. Having been through some shitty stuff, I feel like it gives my experiences some purpose if I can serve as a warning to others.
"Don't do it! He's immature! You're never going to change him."
But, he's come so far and...
"No! He's never going to change. He's always going to be an unmotivated, directionless child."
You're right. I shouldn't marry him. I need to break up with him.
::beep boop::
"What's that?"
I have a text message. Oooh, he's so sweet. He loves me soooo much!
Sigh.
On one hand, I want to warn my friends when I see disaster approaching. I want to tell them what I see in the tea leaves. I hope I can save them from the same struggles I've had.
On the other, I feel like a hypocrite. Who am I to tell someone else what does and does not make a good relationship? I cringe just thinking about someone making that connection one day and reminding me that I haven't managed to keep a relationship together successfully, so how can I tell them what to do?
I have also recently come up with a brilliantly simple business opportunity. An internet friend matching site. Just hear me out, now. It seems to me that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of internet dating sites. Eharmony, Match, Yahoo Personals, AOL Personals just to name a few. Then there are those for looking for romance within a specific race, religion, political view, occupation, or special interest.
Wouldn't it make sense to have a way to make friends this way as well? If it's so difficult to find a date, isn't it equally (if not more) difficult to find a good friendship? A pal? someone to go to lunch with?
I have looked and looked and can't seem to find any such program. It's so brilliantly simple.
Most people make friends through work, school, or their neighborhood. Well, I live around old people, I don't get along with my classmates, and I have no job right now. So, FindAPal.com would be my perfect option!
Much like my vertical hospital evacuation system idea, I'm fairly sure it is another idea that will go unnoticed until someone else makes a million dollars on it.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
February 11, 2007 1:13am
The idea of having to take an anti-depressant for the rest of my life doesn't scare me.
The idea of never being able to sleep like a normal person and always having to take something to sleep, however, terrifies me.
When I tell someone that I don't sleep at night or that I don't sleep well, I don't think how serious this is or how much of a problem this is for me really gets through. It sounds like a simple enough issue. Hell, there's that cute commercial with Abe Lincoln and the groundhog in it about this very problem.
But it's not all dead presidents and garden critters. I can't sleep. I can not sleep. I lay in bed until the sun comes up. I am tired, but sleep does not come. My mind is so shot that I can't do anything but lay in bed or watch tv.
Oh I do eventually get some rest. If left on my own, I would fall asleep around 9am and wake up about 3pm. It isn't just a problem of reversing my wake-sleep cycle, though. Even on days when I'm awake at 8am, I'm still not sleepy until sometime the next morning around 7 or 8.
Even when I do sleep, I don't sleep well and I feel very tired when I get up.
So, I must take my coma pill to get any sleep. The problem here is that I feel somewhat drugged.
I just want to feel like a normal person again.
The idea of never being able to sleep like a normal person and always having to take something to sleep, however, terrifies me.
When I tell someone that I don't sleep at night or that I don't sleep well, I don't think how serious this is or how much of a problem this is for me really gets through. It sounds like a simple enough issue. Hell, there's that cute commercial with Abe Lincoln and the groundhog in it about this very problem.
But it's not all dead presidents and garden critters. I can't sleep. I can not sleep. I lay in bed until the sun comes up. I am tired, but sleep does not come. My mind is so shot that I can't do anything but lay in bed or watch tv.
Oh I do eventually get some rest. If left on my own, I would fall asleep around 9am and wake up about 3pm. It isn't just a problem of reversing my wake-sleep cycle, though. Even on days when I'm awake at 8am, I'm still not sleepy until sometime the next morning around 7 or 8.
Even when I do sleep, I don't sleep well and I feel very tired when I get up.
So, I must take my coma pill to get any sleep. The problem here is that I feel somewhat drugged.
I just want to feel like a normal person again.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
February 7, 2007 12:22am
Headache. Headache. Hurts!
I hate folding laundry. I love taking dirty laundry and putting it into the machine, watching the water fall onto it, putting the soap in. I even like throwing stuff in the dryer.
I hate folding laundry.
As a result, I've been living out of a laundry basket of clean, unfolded clothes.
The tricky part is that the laundry basket is in the living room. This means I have to parade around naked every morning. Good thing I live alone.
I hate folding laundry. I love taking dirty laundry and putting it into the machine, watching the water fall onto it, putting the soap in. I even like throwing stuff in the dryer.
I hate folding laundry.
As a result, I've been living out of a laundry basket of clean, unfolded clothes.
The tricky part is that the laundry basket is in the living room. This means I have to parade around naked every morning. Good thing I live alone.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
January 28, 2007 8:52pm
I can't find my mother. This worries me. She's always home on Saturday nights and she isn't answering the phone. She doesn't carry a cell phone, so it's impossibl to track her down. I immediately start thinking the worst and work myself into a hissy of it.
I'm sure she'll turn up.
Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about how isolated I am and how it was that way for me even as a kid and as a teenager.
Then I got Abigail, my Golden Retriever. I was 12 and full of acne and awkwardness, she was 8 weeks old and had trouble controlling her stopping when she'd slide across the tarazzo floor in my parents' house.
She was my buddy. Wherever I went, she went. Whatever I did, she did. She was a good listener and a wonderful friend. If I was upset and crying in my room, she would run and get my mom.
Abby had a few behavior "issues", though. One was that we never broke her of jumping up on people until the arthritis in her hind legs got so bad that she just couldn't do it anymore. Probably our fault. Her other problem was that she was terrified of thunderstorms. She would be a wreck, and everyone else in the house would be going crazy because she wouldn't leave us alone. If it was nighttime, she would climb into my mom's bed and try to sit on her face. Abby would get really frustrated and try to dig herself a hole in the tile or tarazzo floors in the house. She failed miserably.
We finally had to start giving her tranquilizers when the thunderstorm approached. A whole pill turned out to be too much because she was zonked out for 48 hours. We tried a quarter of a pill, but the problem there was that she was conscious enough to know there was a thunderstorm, but didn't have the physical energy to freak out. This caused her to have an anxiety attack. Ever seen a dog have an anxiety attack? It looks just like when a human has one, but there's more drool.
Half a pill seemed to do the trick.
When I first got her, we kept her in a cage when nobody was home. My friends would tell me how cruel it was that we put her in a cage, but she didn't seem to mind it. When she would get sleepy, she would just climb into it at night herself as if it was her own little apartment. When she got older we stopped using the cage and she just slept wherever she landed for the night.
For the most part, she was a good dog. But when she was really young she liked to take off any chance she got. She always ran to the end of the driveway, put her front paws in front of her to go into a sliding stop, and then turn around and run back to the house.
It became a routine. I'd come home from school, put her on her leash, open the front door and she would take off like a bat out of hell to the end of the driveway, turn around, run back to me, and we'd go for a walk down the road. I lived on a dirty road with woods all around so there was plenty of fun places to explore with her.
The one day, when she was about 6 months old, the routine changed. I came home, put her on her leash, opened the door, she took off.....and kept going.
I saw her reach the end of the driveway with no plans of stopping. She made a quick right and started running down the road. I went chasing after her and yelling "Abigail! Abigail! Come back here!". Now I was starting to worry.
I ran all the way to the end of the road and I couldn't find her. She was missing. I was in a complete panic. I started running through the woods to find her, but I didn't see her there either. I ran back to the house, thinking that maybe she found her way back there, but no such luck.
I started crying and slowly walking down the road in the direction she ran. Paw prints! I saw paw prints in the dirt! I followed the paw prints almost to the end of the road where they suddenly stopped. They stopped right where some tire marks were. Oh no! She's been dognapped!
Ran back to the house with tears streaming down my face. I called the local police department and said something like this.... "Hi...I...um...::hiccup:: I was walking my...um ::hiccup::: dog in the dirt road and she...."
Dispatcher: Oh, honey, did you lose your dog?
Me: Ye-yes.
Dispatcher: We have her here. Can you come get her?
Me: O-O-Okay. ::hiccup:::
So I took another leash of hers and walked over to the police station. I walk in the front door and the woman at the desk directs me to the back.
Now, you have to understand that I grew up in a really small town. In area, it's less than 1 square mile. The police department has 11 officers. I know all of them.
She takes me into the back where the holding cells are. Not dog cages...human holding cells. They had two holding cells. In one was a very angry looking teeanger, in the other was someone sitting in a chair, and there was Abigail laying all curled up on the cot.
She saw me and slowly got off the cot and waited at the cell door for the lady to open it. She had her head down and she walked toward me with her head down and tail between her legs but wagging nervously.
Apparently, what happened was just as she took off down the road, a police office was driving through. She managed to catch up to his car and he took her back to the police station. They didn't have any cages for dogs, so they had to put her in a holding cell. Unfortunately, both holding cells were occupied with people waiting to be processed or taken to county jail or whatever it is that happens with them. So they put her in the one cell and when the guy got up off the cot she climbed onto it and wouldn't get off. The police just gave the man a chair and declared them cellmates until I came to retrieve the Retriever.
After a long lecture on the walk home, I think she understood that running away was not acceptable.
She never even went so much as out of the back yard without someone with her.
See, and who says jail isn't a deterrent?
I'm sure she'll turn up.
Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about how isolated I am and how it was that way for me even as a kid and as a teenager.
Then I got Abigail, my Golden Retriever. I was 12 and full of acne and awkwardness, she was 8 weeks old and had trouble controlling her stopping when she'd slide across the tarazzo floor in my parents' house.
She was my buddy. Wherever I went, she went. Whatever I did, she did. She was a good listener and a wonderful friend. If I was upset and crying in my room, she would run and get my mom.
Abby had a few behavior "issues", though. One was that we never broke her of jumping up on people until the arthritis in her hind legs got so bad that she just couldn't do it anymore. Probably our fault. Her other problem was that she was terrified of thunderstorms. She would be a wreck, and everyone else in the house would be going crazy because she wouldn't leave us alone. If it was nighttime, she would climb into my mom's bed and try to sit on her face. Abby would get really frustrated and try to dig herself a hole in the tile or tarazzo floors in the house. She failed miserably.
We finally had to start giving her tranquilizers when the thunderstorm approached. A whole pill turned out to be too much because she was zonked out for 48 hours. We tried a quarter of a pill, but the problem there was that she was conscious enough to know there was a thunderstorm, but didn't have the physical energy to freak out. This caused her to have an anxiety attack. Ever seen a dog have an anxiety attack? It looks just like when a human has one, but there's more drool.
Half a pill seemed to do the trick.
When I first got her, we kept her in a cage when nobody was home. My friends would tell me how cruel it was that we put her in a cage, but she didn't seem to mind it. When she would get sleepy, she would just climb into it at night herself as if it was her own little apartment. When she got older we stopped using the cage and she just slept wherever she landed for the night.
For the most part, she was a good dog. But when she was really young she liked to take off any chance she got. She always ran to the end of the driveway, put her front paws in front of her to go into a sliding stop, and then turn around and run back to the house.
It became a routine. I'd come home from school, put her on her leash, open the front door and she would take off like a bat out of hell to the end of the driveway, turn around, run back to me, and we'd go for a walk down the road. I lived on a dirty road with woods all around so there was plenty of fun places to explore with her.
The one day, when she was about 6 months old, the routine changed. I came home, put her on her leash, opened the door, she took off.....and kept going.
I saw her reach the end of the driveway with no plans of stopping. She made a quick right and started running down the road. I went chasing after her and yelling "Abigail! Abigail! Come back here!". Now I was starting to worry.
I ran all the way to the end of the road and I couldn't find her. She was missing. I was in a complete panic. I started running through the woods to find her, but I didn't see her there either. I ran back to the house, thinking that maybe she found her way back there, but no such luck.
I started crying and slowly walking down the road in the direction she ran. Paw prints! I saw paw prints in the dirt! I followed the paw prints almost to the end of the road where they suddenly stopped. They stopped right where some tire marks were. Oh no! She's been dognapped!
Ran back to the house with tears streaming down my face. I called the local police department and said something like this.... "Hi...I...um...::hiccup:: I was walking my...um ::hiccup::: dog in the dirt road and she...."
Dispatcher: Oh, honey, did you lose your dog?
Me: Ye-yes.
Dispatcher: We have her here. Can you come get her?
Me: O-O-Okay. ::hiccup:::
So I took another leash of hers and walked over to the police station. I walk in the front door and the woman at the desk directs me to the back.
Now, you have to understand that I grew up in a really small town. In area, it's less than 1 square mile. The police department has 11 officers. I know all of them.
She takes me into the back where the holding cells are. Not dog cages...human holding cells. They had two holding cells. In one was a very angry looking teeanger, in the other was someone sitting in a chair, and there was Abigail laying all curled up on the cot.
She saw me and slowly got off the cot and waited at the cell door for the lady to open it. She had her head down and she walked toward me with her head down and tail between her legs but wagging nervously.
Apparently, what happened was just as she took off down the road, a police office was driving through. She managed to catch up to his car and he took her back to the police station. They didn't have any cages for dogs, so they had to put her in a holding cell. Unfortunately, both holding cells were occupied with people waiting to be processed or taken to county jail or whatever it is that happens with them. So they put her in the one cell and when the guy got up off the cot she climbed onto it and wouldn't get off. The police just gave the man a chair and declared them cellmates until I came to retrieve the Retriever.
After a long lecture on the walk home, I think she understood that running away was not acceptable.
She never even went so much as out of the back yard without someone with her.
See, and who says jail isn't a deterrent?
Friday, January 26, 2007
January 26, 2007 7:39pm
Feeling a little better today. I got some new orders from the doc.
I'm starting to realize just how isolated I am here. I have a few friends, but nobody I'm particularly close to. I'm very frustrated with how my classmates act.
Wednesday night I went out to dinner with some friends. From the second we sat down in the restaurant, the conversation revolved around how quickly could they get a drink and how drunk they wanted to get. The rest of the night was just stories about toilet bowl hugging moments.
I can't deal with that shit.
So, tonight, instead of going to the "girls night" potluck dinner, I'm sitting at home feeling very annoyed that this is what I'm stuck with here.
It's lonely, and I'm miserable.
I sit here now with my glass of wine and pizza and wonder why it is that I can't communicate with my peers. The therapist says that maybe I'm just at a different maturity level than them. I think I've spent so much of my life thinking that since I'm different there must be something wrong with me, that the idea that I'm different because I've grown up more is just hard to believe.
I am lonely, though. I just want some friends to hang out with. I don't even mean I want or need a boyfriend or man in my life. I just want a buddy down here.
I'm starting to realize just how isolated I am here. I have a few friends, but nobody I'm particularly close to. I'm very frustrated with how my classmates act.
Wednesday night I went out to dinner with some friends. From the second we sat down in the restaurant, the conversation revolved around how quickly could they get a drink and how drunk they wanted to get. The rest of the night was just stories about toilet bowl hugging moments.
I can't deal with that shit.
So, tonight, instead of going to the "girls night" potluck dinner, I'm sitting at home feeling very annoyed that this is what I'm stuck with here.
It's lonely, and I'm miserable.
I sit here now with my glass of wine and pizza and wonder why it is that I can't communicate with my peers. The therapist says that maybe I'm just at a different maturity level than them. I think I've spent so much of my life thinking that since I'm different there must be something wrong with me, that the idea that I'm different because I've grown up more is just hard to believe.
I am lonely, though. I just want some friends to hang out with. I don't even mean I want or need a boyfriend or man in my life. I just want a buddy down here.
Monday, January 22, 2007
January 22, 2006 7:53pm
I'm circling the drain. That's the best way I can come up with how to describe how I feel right now.
Made an appointment with the shrink for the end of the week.
Just feeling lousy. Keep thinking negatively. I'm so sick of this. I can't even pinpoint something that is bothering me or upsetting me. I spend an absurd amount of time worrying about things I have no control over. I worry about things that may or may not happen 5, 10, 15 or more years from now.
This has got to stop. It's keeping me from doing the things that I do have some control over.
Made an appointment with the shrink for the end of the week.
Just feeling lousy. Keep thinking negatively. I'm so sick of this. I can't even pinpoint something that is bothering me or upsetting me. I spend an absurd amount of time worrying about things I have no control over. I worry about things that may or may not happen 5, 10, 15 or more years from now.
This has got to stop. It's keeping me from doing the things that I do have some control over.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
January 18, 2007 1:15am
I'm considering renaming this blog "Adventures in Insomnia Land".
Even taking the Seroquel doesn't knock me out anymore. Nothing...absolutely nothing lets me sleep.
If I could just get out of my head at night, I might be able to catch a few winks.
I've always been a night owl. Even as a little kid I stayed up late. I was never a morning person, but I got up when I had to.
This is getting a little ridiculous, though. I can't get to sleep until after 4am. I'm fine to sleep until noon or 1. Unfortunately, I have to go to class.
Tomorrow I have to go an hour away to a clinic. I'm seeing patients with a doc there from 1-5 or whenever they are finished. I love getting to see patients, but I'm afraid I'm going to forget something or miss something or not know what's wrong with them.
I guess that's why I'm a medical student, though. Eh? To learn. If I miss something or get something wrong it's the doc's job to know that and teach me. If I knew everything and did everything correctly, there wouldn't be any point in me being in medical school. I could just hang out a shingle.
Ok, I feel better about that now.
Even taking the Seroquel doesn't knock me out anymore. Nothing...absolutely nothing lets me sleep.
If I could just get out of my head at night, I might be able to catch a few winks.
I've always been a night owl. Even as a little kid I stayed up late. I was never a morning person, but I got up when I had to.
This is getting a little ridiculous, though. I can't get to sleep until after 4am. I'm fine to sleep until noon or 1. Unfortunately, I have to go to class.
Tomorrow I have to go an hour away to a clinic. I'm seeing patients with a doc there from 1-5 or whenever they are finished. I love getting to see patients, but I'm afraid I'm going to forget something or miss something or not know what's wrong with them.
I guess that's why I'm a medical student, though. Eh? To learn. If I miss something or get something wrong it's the doc's job to know that and teach me. If I knew everything and did everything correctly, there wouldn't be any point in me being in medical school. I could just hang out a shingle.
Ok, I feel better about that now.
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