February 11, 2007 1:13am

The idea of having to take an anti-depressant for the rest of my life doesn't scare me.

The idea of never being able to sleep like a normal person and always having to take something to sleep, however, terrifies me.

When I tell someone that I don't sleep at night or that I don't sleep well, I don't think how serious this is or how much of a problem this is for me really gets through. It sounds like a simple enough issue. Hell, there's that cute commercial with Abe Lincoln and the groundhog in it about this very problem.

But it's not all dead presidents and garden critters. I can't sleep. I can not sleep. I lay in bed until the sun comes up. I am tired, but sleep does not come. My mind is so shot that I can't do anything but lay in bed or watch tv.

Oh I do eventually get some rest. If left on my own, I would fall asleep around 9am and wake up about 3pm. It isn't just a problem of reversing my wake-sleep cycle, though. Even on days when I'm awake at 8am, I'm still not sleepy until sometime the next morning around 7 or 8.

Even when I do sleep, I don't sleep well and I feel very tired when I get up.

So, I must take my coma pill to get any sleep. The problem here is that I feel somewhat drugged.

I just want to feel like a normal person again.