The nights are always the hardest.
It's quiet here.
I have always liked quiet. I think because I knew I could break it whenever I wanted.
I was never much of a "going out" kind of person. Now I feel like I have to just to survive down here without going out of my mind.
It will be better when I'm home and can work on my house and have the people I love in it.
Except for one.
No matter what, a part of me is always going to love him. Eventually, the hurt will fade and I will feel like me again.
We had almost 8 years of amazing memories that haunt me now. One day I will be able to think about them fondly. And I will have new memories.
Some things he said to me make me wonder what he's feeling. It was all so disjointed and confused. I wonder if he has come to some sort of reality in his life that nobody can understand but him. I know his mother has had problems with depression and he has had difficulty in the past dealing with some situations. Diazepam doesn't cure everything. If he is hurting, I know that nobody will recognize it and it will continue. That scares me.
I have exams coming up in another week. Time is flying by. The rest of this year will fly by and I will soon be done with my first year of medical school. The next three will probably go just as fast, if not faster.
I'm looking forward to the rest of my life.
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