January 15, 2006 8:26pm

It's flippin' cold here in Lewisburg. It wouldn't bother me so much if I had heat. I think I already mentioned my heat issue before. Well, it continues to be an issue. I can't feel my toes, but just the two middle ones.

I've been evaluating the fundamental differences between the way men and women think. I know there's a plethora of books already on this topic, but I'm not into all the Mars/Venus stuff. I want to know why we can't find a common ground.

I have been told repeatedly by my friend, Mike, that men just want to make women happy. What keeps them from making women happy is not understanding what women want. He says that men are simple-minded and see the world in a very literal way. Women are better at taking the logical leaps and, therefore, expect things that a man just can't put together on his own. Men, he tells me, require very little to be happy. Just being faithful, paying attention to them, and making sure they are well fed is enough.

Fine. So I always try to be as specific as I possibly can be. Everything from making lists of what I want for holidays and spelling out exactly how much emotional attention I want to "Yes! Yes! Right THERE!" ::ahem::

Depite my best efforts, though, there still seems to be a disconnect. I never get exactly what I want, leaving me feeling empty. This puts me in a bad mood. As a result, I become an intolerable bitch. The cycle continues.

The result? Nobody is happy. Nobody really gets what they want.

So why can't men and women find common ground? Are we destined to be unhappy but accept that as a fact of life?

I need a bottle of wine and some new stilettos. These are the things that make me happy.

That and a dozen roses now and then.