March 19, 2006 7:59pm

I....hate.....neuro.

This class is really going to kick my ass.

But you don't really want to hear about that.

Let's talk about people who use words that don't exist.

It's happened to all of us. You're talking too fast or your brain gets just a step ahead of your mouth. You want to say, "Excuse me, how much is that steak?" And instead, what comes out is "'Scuse me, how mush is sa sake?"

But then there are people who use words that don't exist and they don't know they don't exist.

For example, "Irregardless". This is not a word. The word is regardless. What you think "irregardless" means is actually already covered by regardless. It's one of those multi-purpose words. And, seriously, what do you think "irregardless" means that regardless doesn't already mean? Regardless means "taking no account of". What in the name of Fabio does putting a ir- in front of it do?

So to put this argument to rest, let's ask Webster himself (that would be the Dictionary Webster not the tv show about the height-challenged boy).
Irregardless is a word that many mistakenly believe to be correct usage in formal style, when in fact it is used chiefly in nonstandard speech or casual writing. Coined in the United States in the early 20th century, it has met with a blizzard of condemnation for being an improper yoking of irrespective and regardless and for the logical absurdity of combining the negative ir- prefix and -less suffix in a single term. Although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes like debone and unravel, it has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so.


Next on my list of offensive word usages is adding an "s" inapropriately. This occurs most often in speech since most people are smart enough to not actually write the words "Alls" , "Anyways" , "Sos" and a plethora of other victimized words. Hearing someone do this is probably the biggest tip off about what region of the country they're from or their general disregard for how they sound to others. I won't go so far as to say this has anything to do with education, because this is more of a habit picked up from talking too fast or just not really paying attention to what's flying out of your mouth.
"Hey, Larry, sos what's your old lady gonna make for dinner tonight? I might come ova."

And before I forget, there's also the omitting of letters as in "ova". The word "ova" is actually the plural of "ovum" meaning the female egg. See how that changes the whole meaning of the sentence?


And finally, I will give a nod to those people who try to use a big word and end up using one that sounds similar but means something completely different.

To quote one of my favorite movies, The Princess Bride, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." This was said by Inigo Montoya after Vizzini said "inconceivable" in after everything that happened.

There's the common offenses of accept and except, affect and effect, idea and ideal. Then there are those times when someone (oh, let's say a nutrition prof. in my medical school) will let loose with:
"This food is good for you. It will substantiate you for a long time."
It will what?
Substantiate means "to support with proof or evidence". So you're saying that this food will support me by providing evidence of me? I eat therefore I am!

I think what we were going for was "sustain".


Ok- there's one more kind of offender I have to throw into this list.

That would be the "Overuser". Those people who use a particular word too often. We won't include the addition of "like" into every sentence because that's a whole other subcategory.
Some of the most commonly victimized words are:
Literally
Ironic
Awesome
and the phrase "This is _______ thing I have ever seen in my entire life" and you can throw in "funniest" "largest" "smallest" "fattest" "skinniest" "ugliest" "hottest" etc etc.

Somehow, people think "Literally" means "really, really true for this exaggeration I'm about to make". You can even combine these victimized words:
"He was, literally, the hottest guy I have ever seen in my entire life!"
No, no he isn't. You've seen Colin Firth, right? Well, there ya go. You're just exaggerating about whoever this other dude is.

And Awesome? Come on! How many things are really awesome? There's probably only a handfull of things in one's life that are truly capable of causing awe. So if you're over 14, please stop using "awesome" so casually.


Ah, back to studying for my neuroscience test. Ya know what would really be awesome? If I didn't have to take it. Yeah. That would be awesome. It would be ironic, though, because I've been studying a lot for it. It would literally be the most ironic thing that has ever happened to me. Well, irregardless of if I have to take this test, I'm still going to study because I'm sudorous like that!