March 1, 2006 4:51pm

As I said in another post, it's really amazing how your life just changes in the blink of an eye.

Three months ago, I never, ever could have predicted what my life would be like now. I was blissfully planning a wedding. Hell, 24 hours before he came down to end our relationship I couldn't have predicted it since he talked to me as if there was nothing wrong.

For the most part, I'm ok. Those first few days, though, I didn't know how I was ever going to feel like myself again. I was truly scared that so much of me was wrapped up with him that I didn't know who I was anymore.

It's difficult, because I will never get the kind of closure I'm looking for. I'll never get honest answers to the questions I have.

He said he finally realized how much he missed his family. And I guess I was keeping him from that? I don't know how other than that with me he lived a whole 10 miles away from them.

He was mad at me for not being what he wanted- someone who would stay home with his kids and take care of him and them. That would be fine if that's the life I wanted, but it isn't. And he might want to think about getting a job that makes more than $11 an hour if he wants that life. I doubt he'll have a mother in-law who will support him like my mom did. I am not June Cleaver, and I never will be.

So, the only thing I did wrong was to be myself. Why did it take him 8 years and an engagement to decide that who I am is so horrible?

And I don't think I'm such a bad person. I have some habits and qualities that I'm not always proud of, but I don't think that makes me so terrible overall. Nobody is perfect. Plus, some other people think I'm pretty darn cool.

Life will be ok. One day I'll meet someone who is proud of who I am and isn't angry with me for moving 500 miles away. Well, probably by then I won't be 500 miles away nor will I be moving again, but you get the general idea.



Know what I hate about money? That it runs out. Granted, it is a somewhat renewable resource. But that doesn't help me now that I don't have a job and won't have one for another 3 years.

there isn't a lot of stuff that I want or need. But there's little stuff that I want...cd's, movies, food from Bob Evans...and I need money to get them, but don't have much of it.

Though I have developed quite a taste for Ramen.