I went cave exploring with Georgina and Joe today. So much fun! I wimped out on going through the really tiny part where you'd have to crawl, but next time I'll be a little braver.
And this is what happened when I saw a bat....
Sunday, May 28, 2006
May 28, 2006 10:53pm
I went cave exploring with Georgina and Joe today. So much fun! I wimped out on going through the really tiny part where you'd have to crawl, but next time I'll be a little braver.
And this is what happened when I saw a bat....
Friday, May 26, 2006
May 26, 2006 5:46pm
One week down and one week to go!
Next week at this time I should be somewhere on the Pennsylvania Turnpike quickly approaching home.
It's Friday, which means pizza night in my world.
That all started because my mom always worked late on Friday nights (still does) and she would bring home a pizza. It became a routine and then a tradition. When I got to college I just couldn't imagine a Friday night without pizza. Now I still do pizza on Friday nights whenever I can.
I'm starting to think I'm my own worst enemy. I am the only thing standing in the way of being really happy right now. Why? Because I'm a paranoid weirdo and always assume the worst. Has anyone ever actually died of anxiety? I'm going to look that up later. Being in a stressful situation right now doesn't make it any easier to be less paranoid either.
On a happier note, I have a three day weekend. That gives me a whole extra day to procrastinate!
Next week at this time I should be somewhere on the Pennsylvania Turnpike quickly approaching home.
It's Friday, which means pizza night in my world.
That all started because my mom always worked late on Friday nights (still does) and she would bring home a pizza. It became a routine and then a tradition. When I got to college I just couldn't imagine a Friday night without pizza. Now I still do pizza on Friday nights whenever I can.
I'm starting to think I'm my own worst enemy. I am the only thing standing in the way of being really happy right now. Why? Because I'm a paranoid weirdo and always assume the worst. Has anyone ever actually died of anxiety? I'm going to look that up later. Being in a stressful situation right now doesn't make it any easier to be less paranoid either.
On a happier note, I have a three day weekend. That gives me a whole extra day to procrastinate!
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
May 24, 2006 1:48pm
So I'm enjoying day 2 of the migraine that just won't quit. It's been fun living in total darkness and silence.
Mystery Man....sorry, GFKAMM (come on! help me with the new name people!) called me last night. I finally told him that he has got to get rid of the beard. Besides the itchyness I get all over my face, I'm just not into it. It's like guys with long hair...not my thing. He said we can "negotiate".
That was pissing me off a little. Dude, I get a rash from it!
I'm still on the fence about going back to work at the track this summer. I think I'll miss it if I'm not there, but DB is still there and he's been bringing the psycho chick around. To quote someone who works with us, "Eeeewwwwwwww." Yeah, my thoughts exactly. It's sort of funny that he never realizes that people think he's an idiot and make fun of him. I spent a lot of time defending him, so maybe he'll start to realize it now that I'm not there. No. Wait. That would require one to be perceptive and somewhat intelligent.
Bah Argh!
Grrrrrr.
Okay, I'm better now.
Home. Soon. It's a mantra.
Mystery Man....sorry, GFKAMM (come on! help me with the new name people!) called me last night. I finally told him that he has got to get rid of the beard. Besides the itchyness I get all over my face, I'm just not into it. It's like guys with long hair...not my thing. He said we can "negotiate".
That was pissing me off a little. Dude, I get a rash from it!
I'm still on the fence about going back to work at the track this summer. I think I'll miss it if I'm not there, but DB is still there and he's been bringing the psycho chick around. To quote someone who works with us, "Eeeewwwwwwww." Yeah, my thoughts exactly. It's sort of funny that he never realizes that people think he's an idiot and make fun of him. I spent a lot of time defending him, so maybe he'll start to realize it now that I'm not there. No. Wait. That would require one to be perceptive and somewhat intelligent.
Bah Argh!
Grrrrrr.
Okay, I'm better now.
Home. Soon. It's a mantra.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
May 21, 2006 2:18pm
Something smells funny.
No, really. there's a strange odor in my vicinity.
I swear I showered today.
Oh well.
Had a dream last night about DB. Probably brought on by my conversation yesterday. In my dream, DB, his dad and sister all came to my apartment. I spent the whole time telling his dad what an awful person his son is. Then I threw them all out, but DB stayed. I turned around and he was smiling and holding a miniature version of my engagement ring (mini, as in could fit on my pinky) and said that he's just been really busy with work lately and that's why all this happened. Now that things are better with work, he wants to be with me again.
Wow, am I good at superimposing two totally different issues or what?!
I was quite proud of myself, though. In my dream, I said to him "No, no I'm not taking you back. You need to leave." Yay for my subconscious. Or is it my unconscious? Either. Yay for feeling that way in my dreams!
Then I woke up to Mystery Man calling me. So, all in all, not a bad night.
Okay, I need a new name for mystery man. Any ideas? I was thinking of some variation of Hottie from Home or Buff N Stuff. It doesn't have to rhyme or be alliterative.
Told the guy formerly known as Mystery Man about my dream. He informed me that DB has called him. Yikes! DB knows about me and the guy formerly known as Mystery Man (GFKAMM). He seems to be annoyed by it since he just randomly cancelled my XM radio which was already paid for through the summer. No biggie on that. I just put it on my credit card. Anyway, he called GFKAMM "just to say hi". The message he left was friendly. "Haven't talked to you. Hope all is well with you."
Sort of funny. Sort of sad. I have no idea why he would be doing that.
Also found out that DB has switched religions and now goes to psycho chick's church every sunday. This is the guy who I would have to drag to church. Now he goes willingly and even belongs to their "book club". Can'd do anything on Sundays because that's "church day"- or so he's told his friends.
He always did let himself be manipulated by people. He never had his own opinions or ideas. He just adopted those of the people around him. So it doesn't surprise me that he's easily influenced, but I am surprised as to the degree of it.
So totally bizarre. And his friends seem to be very aware of his bizarre behavior.
Ha. And he claimed that they said he acted different when he was around me. Now they don't like who he is.
Well. Back to pharm!
No, really. there's a strange odor in my vicinity.
I swear I showered today.
Oh well.
Had a dream last night about DB. Probably brought on by my conversation yesterday. In my dream, DB, his dad and sister all came to my apartment. I spent the whole time telling his dad what an awful person his son is. Then I threw them all out, but DB stayed. I turned around and he was smiling and holding a miniature version of my engagement ring (mini, as in could fit on my pinky) and said that he's just been really busy with work lately and that's why all this happened. Now that things are better with work, he wants to be with me again.
Wow, am I good at superimposing two totally different issues or what?!
I was quite proud of myself, though. In my dream, I said to him "No, no I'm not taking you back. You need to leave." Yay for my subconscious. Or is it my unconscious? Either. Yay for feeling that way in my dreams!
Then I woke up to Mystery Man calling me. So, all in all, not a bad night.
Okay, I need a new name for mystery man. Any ideas? I was thinking of some variation of Hottie from Home or Buff N Stuff. It doesn't have to rhyme or be alliterative.
Told the guy formerly known as Mystery Man about my dream. He informed me that DB has called him. Yikes! DB knows about me and the guy formerly known as Mystery Man (GFKAMM). He seems to be annoyed by it since he just randomly cancelled my XM radio which was already paid for through the summer. No biggie on that. I just put it on my credit card. Anyway, he called GFKAMM "just to say hi". The message he left was friendly. "Haven't talked to you. Hope all is well with you."
Sort of funny. Sort of sad. I have no idea why he would be doing that.
Also found out that DB has switched religions and now goes to psycho chick's church every sunday. This is the guy who I would have to drag to church. Now he goes willingly and even belongs to their "book club". Can'd do anything on Sundays because that's "church day"- or so he's told his friends.
He always did let himself be manipulated by people. He never had his own opinions or ideas. He just adopted those of the people around him. So it doesn't surprise me that he's easily influenced, but I am surprised as to the degree of it.
So totally bizarre. And his friends seem to be very aware of his bizarre behavior.
Ha. And he claimed that they said he acted different when he was around me. Now they don't like who he is.
Well. Back to pharm!
Saturday, May 20, 2006
May 20th, 2006 5:05pm
I hate that I'm still angry over Douche Bag.
But something cheered me up today. Talked to a friend who works at the race track. Said that DB brought psycho up with him to work one night. Afterwards, the guys were saying to each other, "He gave up Liz for that. Liz is hot as hell, going to be a doctor, and they have this great house at the beach. What was he thinking?"
Well, there's no accounting for taste, or logic.
Some guys have it, others don't. Luckily, Mystery Man does.
Oh, so I worked on resolving some of my issues with him. Actually, they're more like issues I have with myself. I finally just told him how I feel....neglected, ignored, etc.
He said he knew that and he feels awful about it. He's working a lot and trying really hard to have more time this summer when I come home. He said he wants to "be" with me and he's having trouble balancing everything with work now because he's running his own business. HE's a little better at the 5 minute "Just calling to say hi and I'm thinking about you" call. Really, that's all a woman needs sometimes. To know she's being thought of.
He was like my forbidden crush for about 3 years so to "be" with him is still a bit unreal. I want to do this right because....well....I just do. This isn't just a rebound "I need to not be alone" thing because, honestly, it would be a lot easier to just be me- single and free. It's also not just a "I'm going to date around" thing because we were already so close. If it doesn't work then it doesn't work, but it can't not work because I'm a spaz because I'll be really pissed at myself.
Okay, back to studying pharm.
But something cheered me up today. Talked to a friend who works at the race track. Said that DB brought psycho up with him to work one night. Afterwards, the guys were saying to each other, "He gave up Liz for that. Liz is hot as hell, going to be a doctor, and they have this great house at the beach. What was he thinking?"
Well, there's no accounting for taste, or logic.
Some guys have it, others don't. Luckily, Mystery Man does.
Oh, so I worked on resolving some of my issues with him. Actually, they're more like issues I have with myself. I finally just told him how I feel....neglected, ignored, etc.
He said he knew that and he feels awful about it. He's working a lot and trying really hard to have more time this summer when I come home. He said he wants to "be" with me and he's having trouble balancing everything with work now because he's running his own business. HE's a little better at the 5 minute "Just calling to say hi and I'm thinking about you" call. Really, that's all a woman needs sometimes. To know she's being thought of.
He was like my forbidden crush for about 3 years so to "be" with him is still a bit unreal. I want to do this right because....well....I just do. This isn't just a rebound "I need to not be alone" thing because, honestly, it would be a lot easier to just be me- single and free. It's also not just a "I'm going to date around" thing because we were already so close. If it doesn't work then it doesn't work, but it can't not work because I'm a spaz because I'll be really pissed at myself.
Okay, back to studying pharm.
Friday, May 19, 2006
May 19, 2006 5:41pm
Exactly two weeks from today I will be in my fully packed truck and driving home.
Yes, it's May 19th.
And it's 54 degrees out! WTF? when is it going to get warm here.
The sun never shines in West Virginia. It has been cloudy every day for over two weeks now.
I found good bagels today! Once again, my favorite Greenbrier Valley Baking company came through. The same place that makes the awesome pizza also makes kick ass bagels.
So here's my plan for the summer....
Drive home on June 2nd. Promptly vacume and dust the house so I don't feel skeeved by my surroundings.
June 3rd: go to the bank and deposit my tax refund check.
Promptly begin spending my tax refund...starting with my KitchenAid Artisan Stand mixer from Williams-Sonoma.
Yay! I have around $120 in gift certificates to the mall where W-S is located near me, so that knocks a bit off the price.
Then, I'm going to come home from my glorious purchase and immediately go online to buy THIS SET of Le Creuset. Or maybe THIS ONE. I can't decide which is the better deal. Any advice? Macon?
With my tax refund just about half spent, I am then going to buy a porch swing.
By June 4th, I'll have no money but I can rest easy knowing that the purchases which will make my life complete are on their way!
Yes, it's May 19th.
And it's 54 degrees out! WTF? when is it going to get warm here.
The sun never shines in West Virginia. It has been cloudy every day for over two weeks now.
I found good bagels today! Once again, my favorite Greenbrier Valley Baking company came through. The same place that makes the awesome pizza also makes kick ass bagels.
So here's my plan for the summer....
Drive home on June 2nd. Promptly vacume and dust the house so I don't feel skeeved by my surroundings.
June 3rd: go to the bank and deposit my tax refund check.
Promptly begin spending my tax refund...starting with my KitchenAid Artisan Stand mixer from Williams-Sonoma.
Yay! I have around $120 in gift certificates to the mall where W-S is located near me, so that knocks a bit off the price.
Then, I'm going to come home from my glorious purchase and immediately go online to buy THIS SET of Le Creuset. Or maybe THIS ONE. I can't decide which is the better deal. Any advice? Macon?
With my tax refund just about half spent, I am then going to buy a porch swing.
By June 4th, I'll have no money but I can rest easy knowing that the purchases which will make my life complete are on their way!
Sunday, May 14, 2006
May 14, 2006 11:40am
Dude, what is with the crazy number of comments I suddenly got on some of my archived posts? I have about a thousand links for where to buy Viagra and how to make calls to Poland for $0.44/minute.
Who are these people?
"Your site is very cognitive." That has to be a bad translation.
Who are these people?
"Your site is very cognitive." That has to be a bad translation.
May 14, 2006 12:58pm
Bet ya thought I disappeared!
Well, not quite. Just been busy with school.
We're starting to come to the end of the year. My last day in June 2nd. I plan to be back home in Jersey that night, in my bed, smelling the salt air.
People who aren't from Jersey, or who aren't from the part of Jersey I grew up in just don't get why that smell is so good to me. I love the smell of the air just after a storm. It smells like dead fish and seaweed. Sweet perfume.
Another weekend off since we just had a test on Friday. I'm trying to just enjoy the nice weather and sit out on my deck. Sometimes I like being left alone, and sometimes it gets lonely here. But right now I kind of want to be alone. I'm glad that I live out of the way so nobody can drive by and see my car here.
I wish I had an artistic talent. I admire people who can play an instrument, paint, sing or do anything that you can't learn in a book.I wish I could do something like that so that I would have a "thing". Right now, my "thing" is being a doctor. Nice. But I want a "thing" that I had to be born with a talent to do, not one that I just had to pass a bunch of tests to do.
And my hair is pissing me off. I want to have the kind of hair that looks good first thing in the morning. The kind that's so thick that it never gets flat. Unfortunately, mine is so baby fine and short that it sticks straight up or just molds itself into the form of my pillow.
And another thing...why don't people in the movies or on tv ever have morning breath? They wake up in the morning after a night of dinner followed by crazy animal sex. They probably didn't brush their teeth before they went to sleep. Yet, when they wake up in the morning they're still in a perfect spooning position and roll over to kiss each other with no problems. If I did that, I'd have the chizel the layer of scum that has grown on the roof of my mouth first.
Maybe I'm just gross.
Well, not quite. Just been busy with school.
We're starting to come to the end of the year. My last day in June 2nd. I plan to be back home in Jersey that night, in my bed, smelling the salt air.
People who aren't from Jersey, or who aren't from the part of Jersey I grew up in just don't get why that smell is so good to me. I love the smell of the air just after a storm. It smells like dead fish and seaweed. Sweet perfume.
Another weekend off since we just had a test on Friday. I'm trying to just enjoy the nice weather and sit out on my deck. Sometimes I like being left alone, and sometimes it gets lonely here. But right now I kind of want to be alone. I'm glad that I live out of the way so nobody can drive by and see my car here.
I wish I had an artistic talent. I admire people who can play an instrument, paint, sing or do anything that you can't learn in a book.I wish I could do something like that so that I would have a "thing". Right now, my "thing" is being a doctor. Nice. But I want a "thing" that I had to be born with a talent to do, not one that I just had to pass a bunch of tests to do.
And my hair is pissing me off. I want to have the kind of hair that looks good first thing in the morning. The kind that's so thick that it never gets flat. Unfortunately, mine is so baby fine and short that it sticks straight up or just molds itself into the form of my pillow.
And another thing...why don't people in the movies or on tv ever have morning breath? They wake up in the morning after a night of dinner followed by crazy animal sex. They probably didn't brush their teeth before they went to sleep. Yet, when they wake up in the morning they're still in a perfect spooning position and roll over to kiss each other with no problems. If I did that, I'd have the chizel the layer of scum that has grown on the roof of my mouth first.
Maybe I'm just gross.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
May 7, 2006 1:51pm
Today is a very blah day. It's raining, but I usually like that.
I just feel like doing nothing. Unfortunately, I have lots to do because we have a test on Friday.
Blah.
I want a dog, but according to my lease I can't have one. I think I want a dog so that I can have someone that will pay attention to me.
I....am....an attention....whore.
But I don't go out of my way to get attention from random strangers or groups of people. I prefer my attention to come from specific people.
Back to studying....
I just feel like doing nothing. Unfortunately, I have lots to do because we have a test on Friday.
Blah.
I want a dog, but according to my lease I can't have one. I think I want a dog so that I can have someone that will pay attention to me.
I....am....an attention....whore.
But I don't go out of my way to get attention from random strangers or groups of people. I prefer my attention to come from specific people.
Back to studying....
Friday, May 05, 2006
May 5, 2006 12:11pm
Some people just don't deserve to be liked.
But everyone is liked by someone, so either they just don't realize that the individual doesn't deserve to be liked or they themselves don't deserve to be liked so it's like a little club.
There are some people I go to school with who I dislike for totally irrational reasons. I feel bad about this, but I have found that even when I try to get to know them my first impression was right.
Then there's the people who obviously shouldn't be liked- such as Douche Bag and Osama Bin Laden.
But what about all of the grey areas? People who haven't actually done anything to you personally, but they just don't seem right.
I go to school with a girl who has an enormous head. Pumpkin Head, I call her....not to her face, of course. But it's not her head that bothers me, it's that she just comes across as being very arrogant and materialistic. She wears designer clothes almost exclusively and I get the impression she looks down on others. Even dubbing herself the "Fashion Police". What a turd.
I guess I'm not much better since I call her Pumpkin Head, but still...she started it!
Ah, I guess we all don't deserve to be liked sometimes.
Yesterday I was being a brat to Mystery Man. Just a brat, there's no other word for it. I was annoyed at him for a variety of reasons. Some legitimate, but not warranting being a brat, and some that have nothing to do with him, but he pays the price for it anyway.
Specifically, I don't have enough faith in our relationship (or whatever it is) to believe that if I don't hear from him or if he's busy with other things that everything is still "okay" with us. I assume the worst. Go through a mini grieving period, and get prepared to move on. Only to find out it all still is fine.
Yeah, it's a wee bit neurotic. I hate it. I wasn't always like this. It's just that I'm a little mistrusting of people. Two or three days of no contact doesn't mean "working for two or three days straight" or "been with the kids" or "my arm fell off and I needed surgery". It automatically means "I've been off with some other chick for 2 or 3 days and you'll never know anything about it."
I think Elvis Costello said it best, "All I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you."
But everyone is liked by someone, so either they just don't realize that the individual doesn't deserve to be liked or they themselves don't deserve to be liked so it's like a little club.
There are some people I go to school with who I dislike for totally irrational reasons. I feel bad about this, but I have found that even when I try to get to know them my first impression was right.
Then there's the people who obviously shouldn't be liked- such as Douche Bag and Osama Bin Laden.
But what about all of the grey areas? People who haven't actually done anything to you personally, but they just don't seem right.
I go to school with a girl who has an enormous head. Pumpkin Head, I call her....not to her face, of course. But it's not her head that bothers me, it's that she just comes across as being very arrogant and materialistic. She wears designer clothes almost exclusively and I get the impression she looks down on others. Even dubbing herself the "Fashion Police". What a turd.
I guess I'm not much better since I call her Pumpkin Head, but still...she started it!
Ah, I guess we all don't deserve to be liked sometimes.
Yesterday I was being a brat to Mystery Man. Just a brat, there's no other word for it. I was annoyed at him for a variety of reasons. Some legitimate, but not warranting being a brat, and some that have nothing to do with him, but he pays the price for it anyway.
Specifically, I don't have enough faith in our relationship (or whatever it is) to believe that if I don't hear from him or if he's busy with other things that everything is still "okay" with us. I assume the worst. Go through a mini grieving period, and get prepared to move on. Only to find out it all still is fine.
Yeah, it's a wee bit neurotic. I hate it. I wasn't always like this. It's just that I'm a little mistrusting of people. Two or three days of no contact doesn't mean "working for two or three days straight" or "been with the kids" or "my arm fell off and I needed surgery". It automatically means "I've been off with some other chick for 2 or 3 days and you'll never know anything about it."
I think Elvis Costello said it best, "All I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you."
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
May 2, 2006 9:21pm
I don't know what my summer routine is going to be. I've always had a routine. Even when it changed, I knew what it was going to change to. There were certain things that I could always count on.
Now that's different. I don't have anyone to get breakfast for on Sunday morning. I don't have someone to go to the diner with me at 1am for eggs and toast. DB and I used to do that with a friend of his when he would get off work late. I gained 7 pounds doing that.
So it's just as well, I guess.
I decided not to go back to work at the track this summer. I'm going to miss it, but DB is still working there and Mystery Man won't be. I have another job lined up, but I think I want to just veg out and enjoy my last summer off for the rest of my life.
On to something else.....
I hate that my dishwasher doesn't really clean my dishes well. Is it too much to ask for to have a dishwasher that properly cleans your dishes?!
And those little tabs, packs, powders, squirts, and whatever else you put in there....I think it's all a scam. I don't think it really get soapy in there so how could it possibly clean anything?
Argh!
Now that's different. I don't have anyone to get breakfast for on Sunday morning. I don't have someone to go to the diner with me at 1am for eggs and toast. DB and I used to do that with a friend of his when he would get off work late. I gained 7 pounds doing that.
So it's just as well, I guess.
I decided not to go back to work at the track this summer. I'm going to miss it, but DB is still working there and Mystery Man won't be. I have another job lined up, but I think I want to just veg out and enjoy my last summer off for the rest of my life.
On to something else.....
I hate that my dishwasher doesn't really clean my dishes well. Is it too much to ask for to have a dishwasher that properly cleans your dishes?!
And those little tabs, packs, powders, squirts, and whatever else you put in there....I think it's all a scam. I don't think it really get soapy in there so how could it possibly clean anything?
Argh!
Monday, May 01, 2006
May 1, 2006 1:36pm
I'm happy. Truly happy.
It's been a while since I've just been happy. More than content. Happy.
For the first time since I got to medical school, I'm actually feeling like I'm in medical school. I like what I'm learning. We're doing more clinical stuff so it's more interesting to me.
Things are going well with mystery man. I think I'm going to have to come up with a better name for him, since he isn't so much of a mystery any more. Things would be better if I could just learn to relax and enjoy what it is instead of worrying about what it isn't or what it could be.
I'm just feeling happy.
Even my laundry smells good.
It's been a while since I've just been happy. More than content. Happy.
For the first time since I got to medical school, I'm actually feeling like I'm in medical school. I like what I'm learning. We're doing more clinical stuff so it's more interesting to me.
Things are going well with mystery man. I think I'm going to have to come up with a better name for him, since he isn't so much of a mystery any more. Things would be better if I could just learn to relax and enjoy what it is instead of worrying about what it isn't or what it could be.
I'm just feeling happy.
Even my laundry smells good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)