I feel free.
Somewhere in me, beneath those moments of blinding rage, numbness, and confusion, there is an incredible feeling of freedom.
I hate myself for feeling that way.
I don't mean freedom to go wild, I just feel like for the first time in years I don't have to worry about someone else.
I like caring about someone, thinking about them, wondering what they're doing, worrying when apropriate. But I didn't like having to worry the way a parent worries if their child will get through school, get a job, become self-sufficient.
If I was a parent, I think it would be less annoying to feel that way and more a labor of love. But when you feel that way about the person you are sharing your life with, it's stressful. Very stressful.
So blocks are almost over. I managed to pass physiology. Biochem today wasn't too traumatic. Tomorrow is nutrition.
My mom is coming to visit this weekend. I'm so happy to see her.
Though, I am rather proud of myself for surviving this on my own. Of course, I had lots of support from my friends and family, but I stayed right where I am and didn't run home. I didn't leave school. I worked through the problem and came out the other end even stronger for it.
Hmmm, better than some people I know
Yeah, I'm awesome.
1 comment:
I also think you are awsome. Congratulations on staying the course with school and sticking to it when things got crazy.
My daughter broke an engagement when she realized they didn't have the same goals or work ethic. You will survive this.
I know this is hard but you are doing good and I'm proud of you!
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