Writing early today.
The last few days have been sort of difficult for me. Not sure why. Just feeling low. Frustrated by the mess here, but I did spend some time putting things away and doing laundry.
I hate that I spend whole days being unhappy. I don't want to look back on my life and feel like I wasted a lot of time being miserable for no reason.
Sometimes I'm angry, sometimes I'm sad, sometimes I don't know how I feel. The whole thing just pisses me off.
I'm mad that I miss stuff about people who have hurt me. I'm mad that I miss the way the douche bag knew how to fix things...cars, the house, stereo. I'm mad that I miss finding things at the grocery store for him that he'd like. I'm mad at how I used to have fun with him no matter where we went or what we did. I'm mad at how mike and I used to such good friends, and now he's just gone with no reasonable explanation. I'm mad that I've had people in my life who I was good to and they treated me like shit and I didn't deserve it, but they tried to turn it on me to make themselves feel better.
I miss going to wall speedway and watching the races on saturday nights. I miss having someone to watch the race with me Sunday afternoon. I miss having a buddy who I could share stupid stuff with.
Ok, now I feel better.
On to nicer things. did I mention what eharmony dude #2's name was? Well, it's Roger. I think I must have had an odd tone in ym email to him yesterday, because this morning I had an email from him with the first line being "You sounded down, are you OK?" Shit, he's onto me. I'm a nut.
I just don't get excited about anything anymore. I need something to look forward to. Any ideas?
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1 comment:
Any ideas? But of course! LOL.
Seriously...you must, must, must let go of the past. Both of them. Not letting go, allows the past of both of them to negatively effect your present and future. The second you realize that one of 'those' thoughts is streaking through your head...you have to physically tell yourself to stop and force yourself to think about and do better things instead. Only you have the ability to change your behavior.
Yep...I'll be the first to admit that it's sure as heck easier said than done...but it's a first step.
One of the things that helped me through some tough times was getting two journals. One I wrote in when I had bad thoughts and times. I wrote down what I hated at the moment. Short and sweet and as soon as I wrote the last word, I promised myself that I wouldn't give anymore time or energy to that specific thought. Then I opened the "good" journal and wrote about things I was thankful for and the good that I wanted in my life. Dreams, aspirations, etc.
Eventually...the bad entries actually did become much, much shorter until I realized that I really had nothing more to say about them.
Throw yourself into reading again...or some other hobby that you love or have always wanted to learn to take up down time and keep you from thinking. Now is the perfect time to experiment and try new things and hobbies!
It sucks but the reality is that this time in your life is a transition period. This is the time between high school graduate and finally being what you set out to be. And your career choice is one of the longer transition roads unfortunately. However...in the end...these crappy memories will fade away and you won't remember a thing about them! I promise!
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