January 14, 2007 8:45pm

Feeling pretty much ok today. If I could get my sleeping situation under control then I might be happier. Still up every night until 4am or later, and then sleep until 1 or 2pm.

I got a new printer. It's a Xerox color laser printer, copier, and scanner. It was delivered by FedEx on Friday. Unfortunately, they delivered it to the wrong place. I ALWAYS have a problem when FEDEx or DHL deliver anything to me. They're always bringing it to the wrong house. There's an estate on the other side of the highway with the same name as the road I live on. They just bring stuff there to this house instead of to me.

So Friday afternoon I was checking the FedEx tracking web site to see where my printer was. Around 4:30 I checked and it said it had been delivered at 1:30pm. Um. No. I would have noticed a 52lb box at my doorstep. So, I called FedEx and they said they would try to track down the driver and find out where it is.

10 minutes later my phone rings. I didn't recognize the name on the caller ID, but it was a local number.

Me: Hello?
Voice: Eh, hellooooo. Is this Miss Elizabeth M---?
Me: Yes
Voice: This is Miss Hamilton's aide. We have a package here for you. It is a very large package. Miss Hamilton would like you to retrieve it as soon as possible as it is in her foyer at the moment. Me: Oh, well, um, I think FedEx is going to pick it up and redeliver....
Voice: Nooooooo, I called them. They will not deliver it until Tuesday. Miss Hamilton will not be responsible for this item. As I said, it is very large. Could you please come get it?
Me: Well, er, sure.
Voice: Ehthank you.
Me: Wait!
Voice: EhYes?
Me: Where are you?
Voice: EhMiss Hamilton's house.
Me: Ok. And that is?
Voice: The Hamilton Estate
Me: Right. Um, and how do I get there?
Voice: You drive through the gates of the Hamilton Estate, past the caboose, up the winding road, and I will be waiting for you in the driveway.
Me: Ok, see, but I don't know where that is.
Voice: The Hamilton Estate.
Me: Yes.
Voice: Ok, then we shall be expecting you?
It was my own private Who's on First. For the Love of God and all that is Holy! Please just give me an address, a coordinate, a landmark. Anything!
Me: Ma'am?
Voice: Ehyes?
Me: I'm sorry, but I'm not very familiar with the area. I need directions to get to the Hamilton Estate.
Voice:Ehyou don't know the Hamilton Estate?
Me: No
Voice: Ehwell, it's the most well known property in the area.
Me: Really? I thought that wal Wal Mart (nervous giggle)
Voice:Ehno. You must drive north on the highway and make a left at the first break in the board fence. Then follow the directions I gave you through the property.
Me: Right. Ok. I'll be there shortly.

Jumped in the truck and found the famous (infamous) Hamilton Estate. Sure as shit, there was a bright yellow train caboose and a winding road. I pulled up to a house that looked like the one that Daddy Warbucks lived in. I expected Punjab to greet me at the door and levitate the box out to me.

No such luck. The BEWARE of DOG sign at the front gates were a bit intimidating, as well as the giant steel H's in the gates. I parked the truck and met the aide at the front door. The dog that I was supposed to beware of turned out to be a French Poodle. Ooooh, scary.

At this point, I'm thinking that the scene is just too unreal. I had just walked into a scene from Great Expectations. I was sure there would be an old woman in a wedding dress sitting at a dining room table, staring at a rotting wedding cake. Behold my future!

The aide helped me get the box outside and into my truck. She also asked that I please tell FedEx to stop delivering my packages to them. Sure, because I have so much control over that. You'd think that after the driver has had to retrieve packages from there at least 3 or 4 times now he/she would get the point. Guess not.

Got the printer all set up and I'm quite pleased with it.

At least I also got a good story out of it.