I have a friend who is afraid of spiders. Not in the way that most girls are afraid of spiders, though. She is only afraid of the huge ones that are in her apartment.
Last week one night, she called me because there was a spider she had been trying to kill, but couldn't. The fear of the spider overwhelmed her so much that she was in tears.
I started to realize that fears, regardless of what they are of, are very real. Her fear of spiders is as real as my fear of failure and loneliness. It's a paralyzing fear that can't be overcome with rational judgment. If it were that easy, I could just give myself a pep talk and move on.
So when my mother (who, incidentally, was here all weekend) says things like, "Well, you just need to stop thinking so negatively and accept that things don't always work out the way you plan." I get really frustrated because it isn't as simple as just stopping negative thoughts.
That's like saying to an alcoholic, "So just quit drinking if you know it's bad for you."
It sounds easy to anyone who isn't there. And it doesn't make a damn bit of sense to someone who isn't there.
Actually, it doesn't make any sense to me either.
At least I can admit to being irrational.
I have a need to keep control over things in my life. I have a need to plan my life out in 10 year blocks.
I feel like if I don't do that then everything will just be a huge mess.
Maybe life is a mess anyway.
How can I plan my life out for the next 10 years when I have no idea what's going to happen tomorrow? I could get a brain tumor and then the next 10 years are totally irrelevant.
Frustrating.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Liz,
Not sure you'll want to hear this.....but I have to say it. You can certainly set "goals" for yourself. But Plans? Well...we aren't even promised tomorrow. You have to actually live life day by day. You can want and hope and dream and set goals. Those are very positive things. But concrete set in stone plans..... they tend to be the ones that get broken and disappoint us the most. Enjoy the here and now. Even if it's the smallest thing to be joyful about. Every night I write down 3 things that happened that day that I was grateful for. I've learned to see success in this grateful state. Not sure if it will help, but I wanted to voice my opinion. Hope you had a good time with your Mom :)
M
Yep...MZ is right on.
Life is short.
Ya wake up every day and be thankful that any day above ground, is a good day.
What most people don't realize is that ninety-nine percent of the bad things in life aren't the end of the world that day. I know I don't see it and sometimes see it and don't care when I'm in the thick of it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not belittling what you feel...but even though you can't just "stop feeling negatively" and entirely change your outlook or whathaveyou...what you can do is put a little bit of a positive spin on it in a majority of places.
One of my favorite mantra's right now is: "This CAN be fixed and this CAN change."
When we think negatively...the only way to combat that and see the changes is to live pro-actively. Not 100% of the time mind you...we all need our down time and pity parties every now and again. I know I do! LOL.
But what I'm saying is this...one of the things wrong right now is that you're lonely where you are...you're not going to meet people sitting in your apartment. Find a local book club...something...and join it!
Yes...doing such a thing may be WAAAAAAAAY out of your comfort zone...but that doesn't mean that it can't be done. Trust me...been there, done that. But once you're there, you'll be glad you did. I know...not in your ten year plan...but ya never know who or what else may be waiting at that club that would fit perfectly in your ten year plan.
{{L}}
Post a Comment