October 4, 2006 9:59pm

Thanks to all for your kind words and support.

The rut I'm in isn't all related to Mike. That's only a small part of it. It's a year's worth of crappy things that are finally all catching up with me.

It's a combination of anxiety and depression that I'm just now really starting to feel. I've probably had it most of my life to some degree, but the circumstances of the past 9 or 10 months have really made it worse.

My heart starts racing, my chest feels like it's going to cave in, and for a few hours I feel like nothing will ever be good again. No relationship, no friendship, nothing will ever be good because I will always always keep getting hurt. Then it passes and I wait in fear of the next episode.

I'm working on getting it under control now.

Not easy, though.