November 12, 2006 12:14am

I haven't been able to fall asleep like a normal person for months. I finally got some awesome stuff from the psychiatrist, but I need more.

Like a very responsible person, I called his office before I ran out. I listened patiently to the menu "push one for appointments....". I pressed 2 for prescription refills. I got an answering machine telling me to leave my information and the prescription will be called in. If I do not hear from them in 48 hours, that means the prescription was called in and I can go pick it up.

"Hello. My name is Elizabeth ------. Dr. E gave me Seroquel to help me sleep. Can you please have him refill my prescription at the Wal Mart pharmacy? I take 25mgs. My number is -------. Thank you."

That was Wednesday. Today is Saturday. I am out of drugs. I went to Wal Mart....no prescription. His office is closed and so I left a message with his answering service. Still haven't heard anything.

I will call again on Monday. This time, I might say something like....

"Hey. This is Bitchy Crazy Liz. I called last week. Never got my prescription filled. Never got a call explaining if there was a problem. Never heard anything from you. I haven't slept in several days. I think it is beginning to really have a negative....did you say something? Hello? No, I won't do that so stop asking me! I'm trying to leave a message. Now be quiet. Anyway, I was saying that I think my lack of sleep has been bad for my.... Okay, enough already! Stop interrupting me :::BEEEEEP::::"

Seriously. Why is it when I ask for help, I can't seem to get it?

I found an online depression support group. That has been interesting. Some of the people are similar to me. And then there are some who I think like being depressed. It's who they are. They like the attention. They live for chat rooms and chat room hugs ((((((((insert name of attention seeker here))))))))). They injure themselves and do impulsive crap like cut off all of their hair and then flip out if you say their trigger word in the chat room...which can be anything from sex to canary.

I guess I shouldn't be so judgmental, but I really feel like some of them don't bother to work or really take care of themselves because it requires effort- and it's difficult. Life isn't easy for anyone. Well, maybe it's easy for Paris Hilton, but it isn't easy for most people. You go to work and pay your bills as long as you're physicially able because it's the responsible thing to do, not because it's fun or easy. They can't handle the stress of real life and don't seem to want to even try to get over that. They're happier sitting at home and collecting a disability check or some sort of handout- all while complaining that they don't have any money or have a hard time paying for their meds. Or, even better, they go on and on about the new computer or camera or cell phone or mp3 player they just bought, and then bitch that they don't have the $100 a month that their medications cost.

Well shit. Maybe we should prioritize. That $500 camera you just bought would have gotten you 5 months of your meds. Maybe in those 5 months you could have found yourself a job and made some more money so you could continue to pay for the drugs. Or you might even get lucky and find a job with health insurance and a prescription plan. Hey, here's an idea...since you obviously have psychiatric issues that need to be handled- why not make it a priority to find a job with health insurance and prescription plan?

Oh, but don't take that the wrong way! I don't mean hold out for that absolutely perfect job. Don't use that as an excuse for not working. "I'm not working right now because I got laid off from my job 6 years ago and haven't found a job that is exactly the same as my old job, but pays more. So, obviously I can't go back to work until I find the ideal situation."

Then there are others who want to be better. They want to function like a "normal" person, but can't. They try, though. God knows they try every day. I admire that. Some are much worse off than I am and need much more support than I do.

I should learn to be more patient with people.

I'll start tomorrow.