August 3, 2007 2:53pm

Things are returning to normal now that my board exam is over. It will be about 4 weeks before I have the results. Let's not talk about that just now.

I have a totally free weekend. Today I have off and no major studying or assignments for the upcoming 2 days. I'm going to catch up with Harry Potter, and do my QVC Zombie dance. It involves me sitting on the couch in a trance, unable to change the channel for fear of missing something wonderful.

I am sorely in need of a haircut. This always presents a problem for me when I am out of state. Nobody cuts it quite right...the way the girl who has been cutting my hair for 10 years does it.

Sigh.

I also am in a bit of a quandry. I'm feeling a little hurt by a friend, but I'm trying to not feel that way. The short version is that I drove home last weekend to be with her during a really, really difficult time. Months ago, there was a plan in the works for her and another friend to come down here and visit for a weekend. That all seems to have fallen through. Yet, she's going to another state (a shorter trip by 2-ish hours) to visit a friend....but won't come here because she's too nervous to make the drive herself to somewhere she has never been before. While I understand this is a tough time for her, I am a little annoyed that I'm treated this way. I mean shit, I wasn't thrilled to drive home in a rainstorm making a 6 hour drive into an 11 hour drive, but I did it anyway because I wouldn't have felt right about not doing it. Maybe I just don't understand fear of something like driving somewhere. I live in West Virginia, not Beiruit.

Though, I guess it extends to other events as well. Not this past summer, but the one before... I was home for about 2 months. Before I came home I kept hearing, "Oh, we'll spend so much time together blah blah blah..." then over the two months I was home I saw her all of 2 times. We made plans for more than that, but she often canceled on me or was out with other people/other plan she made.

Now, I don't expect to be the center of anyone's world. When I say I'm going to do something I generally do it unless some force beyond my control is holding me back.

Like I said, I'm trying to not be mad or hurt, and I'm not really either of those. I don't know how I feel. Maybe a little irritated. I just don't know.

Similarly, there are other things that annoy me. Like when we talk, the conversation is often just a 20 minute chat. Yet, when some new guy comes along she tells me about how she's on the phone for hours, or stays up until all hours of the night/morning talking. Doesn't do the same with girlfriends, though.

Back in September when I had my meltdown, this was all part of it. In fact, it's in the shrink's notes. "Feeling abandoned by friends." I thought that was an interesting interpretation of my complaint about someone not making time to visit with me after saying they will. Abandoned seems like such a harsh word.

I know she appreciates me because she does do things to show me that and she tells me that often. I know I shouldn't feel abandoned or neglected or anything like that. I'm sure it isn't intentional, and she's such a kind-hearted soul that I don't even want to bring it up for fear of hurting her.

My philosophy has always been that men can come and go, but your close girlfriends are like your sisters and they are always there to stay. Much like with sisters, you get annoyed at things they do but accept them for who they are.