Just a few quick thoughts because I have to get back to the books.
I am absolutely loving my rotation with this doc. Every day is a blast. I'm excited to see every patient (even the stinky ones), and I go home every night excited to read up on something new.
Been trying to get back to working out a little. Mostly walking and stretching. My attempt to quit the anti-depressants didn't go as well as I would have liked, so I'm back on that and trying to boost those natural endorphins.
Roger came down to visit for a few days. He just left today and he will be back again on Thursday! Guess the boy just can't get enough of me. :-P
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Saturday, July 14, 2007
July 14, 2007 8:18pm
How does a person not notice that all three of their children are infested with lice? I don't just mean that they picked it up at school a day ago and nobody really saw the nits.... I mean that your 8 year old daughter has (literally, yes I said "literally) THOUSANDS of lice in her head. They have been there so long that her scalp has these raw, red patches where the bugs have EATEN away at her skin.
Your other two kids have bugs on them too (though not as many), and even you have some nits in your hair.
How, may I ask, does this not come to your attention long before the situation gets this bad? And how, may I ask, is it possible that this problem is only identified when you bring the aforementioned 8 year old to the Dr. for her WELL CHILD VISIT??
What pissed me off about this is that the mother here is just too stupid to know any better. She's not mean or cruel or intentionally neglectful....she's just stupid.
It also burned my ass that these kids all had a "medical card" aka Medicaid, mom gets WIC support for the little one, they're on food stamps and yet the oldest daughter (13ish) and mom both have CELL PHONES?!?! How in the Hell does someone who has no job, whose husband has no job because, you see, he has a "back injury" and couldn't possibly work manage to pay for CELL PHONES?!!
Actually, I should rephrase that. Why the fuck are the rest of us paying for the cell phones of people like this? When did a cell phone (particularly one for a teenager) become a necessity like electricity and running water?
And furthermore, how does one in this situation have the audacity to answer the question, "Do you work?" with "Oh no, I'm able to stay home with the kids!" ABLE? ABLE? Right. No. ABLE to stay home would be if your husband made a decent enough living that you didn't HAVE to get a job. Since your husband has this non-descript "back injury" and won't work, nobody seems to be able to get actual health insurance and you can't buy your own food, I'd say that ABLE to stay home is stretching it just a bit.
Besides, what the hell are you doing at home all day with them in terms of raising your kids if you don't even notice that they are INFESTED with lice?
I walked out of that exam room just wanting to take a shower and de-louse myself immediately. I felt a combination of anger and pity.
Just to round off the day, behind door #2 was a woman with her baby in for a check-up. This was her 4th baby. The first 3 had been taken away from her over the past few years by Child Protective Services. Doc said that after they took the 3rd one, he asked the mom what she planned to do to straighten up her life to get them back. She replied, "It doesn't matter. I'll just have another one." Sure enough, she did.
My closing thought for the day: Mandatory Sterilization
Your other two kids have bugs on them too (though not as many), and even you have some nits in your hair.
How, may I ask, does this not come to your attention long before the situation gets this bad? And how, may I ask, is it possible that this problem is only identified when you bring the aforementioned 8 year old to the Dr. for her WELL CHILD VISIT??
What pissed me off about this is that the mother here is just too stupid to know any better. She's not mean or cruel or intentionally neglectful....she's just stupid.
It also burned my ass that these kids all had a "medical card" aka Medicaid, mom gets WIC support for the little one, they're on food stamps and yet the oldest daughter (13ish) and mom both have CELL PHONES?!?! How in the Hell does someone who has no job, whose husband has no job because, you see, he has a "back injury" and couldn't possibly work manage to pay for CELL PHONES?!!
Actually, I should rephrase that. Why the fuck are the rest of us paying for the cell phones of people like this? When did a cell phone (particularly one for a teenager) become a necessity like electricity and running water?
And furthermore, how does one in this situation have the audacity to answer the question, "Do you work?" with "Oh no, I'm able to stay home with the kids!" ABLE? ABLE? Right. No. ABLE to stay home would be if your husband made a decent enough living that you didn't HAVE to get a job. Since your husband has this non-descript "back injury" and won't work, nobody seems to be able to get actual health insurance and you can't buy your own food, I'd say that ABLE to stay home is stretching it just a bit.
Besides, what the hell are you doing at home all day with them in terms of raising your kids if you don't even notice that they are INFESTED with lice?
I walked out of that exam room just wanting to take a shower and de-louse myself immediately. I felt a combination of anger and pity.
Just to round off the day, behind door #2 was a woman with her baby in for a check-up. This was her 4th baby. The first 3 had been taken away from her over the past few years by Child Protective Services. Doc said that after they took the 3rd one, he asked the mom what she planned to do to straighten up her life to get them back. She replied, "It doesn't matter. I'll just have another one." Sure enough, she did.
My closing thought for the day: Mandatory Sterilization
Sunday, July 08, 2007
July 8, 2007 3:04pm
Yeah, I suck.
But I've been busy!
I moved. I moved from the one little town in WV to another little town in WV. My first two or three days here, I hated it. I hated it so much I was practically crying on the phone with Roger. My house had no AC, my stove/oven was so old that it had a pilot light that regularly went out, the floors are crooked, the cabinets don't close right, the bathroom is tiny, and it hasn't been cleaned since WWI.
With a little help (okay, a lot of help) from SuperMom, I got a new oven, some AC's installed, the place spic and span, and generally settled in. I hate it slightly less now.
My first clinical rotation (Family Medicine) began last week. I'm enjoying it. The doc is cool. He wears jeans and t-shirts to work every day. He's very laid back. He is a very practical kind of doc, and I like that. He does have some odd ideas, though. He told a patient not to use deodorant because he thinks it causes breast cancer. I wasn't in a position to argue with him, but whatever, I won't hold that one thing against him. (by the way, that link has never been proven by any studies, he's just going on a hunch)
I took some pictures of the house that I will put up when I get around to it. I especially want everyone to see how the previous rocket scientist renters had billowly curtains over the gas stove. What the hell kind of a dummy does that?
I also can't figure out how the heaters work. Not that I need heat right now, but I'm curious for future reference.
The neighborhood is okay, except for the rehab/halfway house that's a block away. There's also someone's home that looks like it should not be legal to inhabit it. There are more windows with missing glass panes than ones that have glass. There seems to be electricity. The place is painted 6 different colors, bit it's badly chipped. The front stairs and porch are caving in. The porch is covered...and I mean covered in assorted trash ranging from children's toys, lumber, and a chain saw. I'd love to take a picture of it, but I'm afraid someone might shoot me from the attic window.
Roger came down for a few days this past week. He just left a bit ago. It was wonderful having him here. We were up until 4:30am today just laughing. I don't think I've ever laughed with somebody so much as I do with him. I love that we can talk about anything and everything. I love that he is probably the only man I've ever been with who is brilliant. :-) We are a good match.
But I've been busy!
I moved. I moved from the one little town in WV to another little town in WV. My first two or three days here, I hated it. I hated it so much I was practically crying on the phone with Roger. My house had no AC, my stove/oven was so old that it had a pilot light that regularly went out, the floors are crooked, the cabinets don't close right, the bathroom is tiny, and it hasn't been cleaned since WWI.
With a little help (okay, a lot of help) from SuperMom, I got a new oven, some AC's installed, the place spic and span, and generally settled in. I hate it slightly less now.
My first clinical rotation (Family Medicine) began last week. I'm enjoying it. The doc is cool. He wears jeans and t-shirts to work every day. He's very laid back. He is a very practical kind of doc, and I like that. He does have some odd ideas, though. He told a patient not to use deodorant because he thinks it causes breast cancer. I wasn't in a position to argue with him, but whatever, I won't hold that one thing against him. (by the way, that link has never been proven by any studies, he's just going on a hunch)
I took some pictures of the house that I will put up when I get around to it. I especially want everyone to see how the previous rocket scientist renters had billowly curtains over the gas stove. What the hell kind of a dummy does that?
I also can't figure out how the heaters work. Not that I need heat right now, but I'm curious for future reference.
The neighborhood is okay, except for the rehab/halfway house that's a block away. There's also someone's home that looks like it should not be legal to inhabit it. There are more windows with missing glass panes than ones that have glass. There seems to be electricity. The place is painted 6 different colors, bit it's badly chipped. The front stairs and porch are caving in. The porch is covered...and I mean covered in assorted trash ranging from children's toys, lumber, and a chain saw. I'd love to take a picture of it, but I'm afraid someone might shoot me from the attic window.
Roger came down for a few days this past week. He just left a bit ago. It was wonderful having him here. We were up until 4:30am today just laughing. I don't think I've ever laughed with somebody so much as I do with him. I love that we can talk about anything and everything. I love that he is probably the only man I've ever been with who is brilliant. :-) We are a good match.
Monday, June 18, 2007
June 18, 2007 6:35pm
I know....I know.....
A thousand lashings with a wet noodle.
I've been busy, though! School was done, I came home to NJ, been studying for my board exam, had a mini-meltdown, rescheduled the board exam for July, feeling better now.
In the midst of all that, I have been enjoying my time in lovely New Jersey. I don't care how many jokes other people make, I love it here. I love my house, I love my friends, I love my neighborhood, I love the beach, and I just love everything.
I'm having my driveway torn up because what was there was crappy. The town code enforcement gestapo decided to play games with me, but a white tank top on a cold day seemed to get the code enforcer to suddenly be less of a dick head when he was in my front yard.
I filled out an application to volunteer for a dog rescue, and then became disillusioned when one of the women from it seemed less than enthusiastic to have me come out there since I'm only home for another few days. I'm not entirely sure, but I can only imagine it might be because by the time she shows me the ropes I will be leaving, but I told her I'd be home for a month at Christmas and then I will be home for good in 10 months. I don't think the problem of stray and unwanted dogs will suddenly be over in 10 months.
I'm so allergic to cats that I said I could really only work with the dogs. On the web site, they mentioned that they need people to come out and walk the dogs, play with the dogs, and do assorted chores. I was really looking forward to doing this for my last few days home (as a mental break from studying), but maybe I will just hold off until Christmas time when I'm home for a month and have more free time.
I also offered to transport dogs if they needed. I noticed that they get dogs from kill shelters in WV, VA and other states. I said that if that was needed, I could arrange to do that on a weekend if the place is in WV or VA since I am close. I also got little to no enthusiasm for my offer.
Sigh.
Then, they asked me if I would ever be interested in fostering dogs. The answer is yes, but not until I get home for good. I want a pup of my own, but I would be willing to take on one more as a foster and possibly 2 eventually. Still, no excitement for my offer. I got "Well, we have a lot more than 1 or 2 at a time who need a home." Well no shit, but that's what I think I can handle right now. Is helping a little bit no good? Is it better to help a whole lot or not at all? This is just something that I wanted to do because I enjoy the animals, not something I want to dedicate my entire life to like the people who run this rescue. Can't there be room for me too? :-(
double sigh.
Roger and I had a fabulous evening together in Philly. We went to The Rittenhouse for dinner and then we went to see Glenn Beck's one man show. A really nice night. I looked awesome. It felt good to get dressed up and have someone take me out for a grown-up night. Yanno, I don't think I've ever had a night like that before. Also of interest was when a woman with her boyfriend in the parking garage elevator with us after show commented on how she felt better about her shirt when she noticed that my boobs were hanging out too.
I then proceeded to get the worst migraine I have ever had in my life. It was partially (well, totally) my fault since I spent the day eating every migraine trigger food imaginable. The headache was so bad, I considered having Roger take me to the hospital, but I wanted to try some Aleve first. After being unable to find a pharmacy, Roger very sweetly stopped at a gas station that had a convenience store. It was in a super-shady place. When he got out of the car, he left it running and told me to lock the doors behind him. He went up to the counter where the man at the register gets you want you want and then takes your money through a bullet-proof revolving lazy susan type thing. Shady people were all over, and a homeless man tried to polish Roger's hubcaps. When Roger got back in the car, I begged him to take me back to where the white people were. "We don't belong here!" I cried out.
Obviously, we made it out of there alive.
Also in news of my life, I got my ears pierced. No, I never had them pierced before. Brooke went with me and took pictures, so as soon as she gets back home to Hawaii I expect her to email me the pictures. We went to Tattoo City and a very cool guy did it for me. The pain wasn't as bad as the crunch noise. I was not expecting that. I was also not expecting that it would still hurt days later. I thought it was a one time "ouch" and then was all better. Nay, my friend. There have been days of plasma oozing, itching, and assorted discomfort. It's not infected or anything, it's just part of the healing process that I hadn't really thought through.
That's all the exciting stuff I can think of for now. I will try to update more often because it's hard to remember everything all at once.
A thousand lashings with a wet noodle.
I've been busy, though! School was done, I came home to NJ, been studying for my board exam, had a mini-meltdown, rescheduled the board exam for July, feeling better now.
In the midst of all that, I have been enjoying my time in lovely New Jersey. I don't care how many jokes other people make, I love it here. I love my house, I love my friends, I love my neighborhood, I love the beach, and I just love everything.
I'm having my driveway torn up because what was there was crappy. The town code enforcement gestapo decided to play games with me, but a white tank top on a cold day seemed to get the code enforcer to suddenly be less of a dick head when he was in my front yard.
I filled out an application to volunteer for a dog rescue, and then became disillusioned when one of the women from it seemed less than enthusiastic to have me come out there since I'm only home for another few days. I'm not entirely sure, but I can only imagine it might be because by the time she shows me the ropes I will be leaving, but I told her I'd be home for a month at Christmas and then I will be home for good in 10 months. I don't think the problem of stray and unwanted dogs will suddenly be over in 10 months.
I'm so allergic to cats that I said I could really only work with the dogs. On the web site, they mentioned that they need people to come out and walk the dogs, play with the dogs, and do assorted chores. I was really looking forward to doing this for my last few days home (as a mental break from studying), but maybe I will just hold off until Christmas time when I'm home for a month and have more free time.
I also offered to transport dogs if they needed. I noticed that they get dogs from kill shelters in WV, VA and other states. I said that if that was needed, I could arrange to do that on a weekend if the place is in WV or VA since I am close. I also got little to no enthusiasm for my offer.
Sigh.
Then, they asked me if I would ever be interested in fostering dogs. The answer is yes, but not until I get home for good. I want a pup of my own, but I would be willing to take on one more as a foster and possibly 2 eventually. Still, no excitement for my offer. I got "Well, we have a lot more than 1 or 2 at a time who need a home." Well no shit, but that's what I think I can handle right now. Is helping a little bit no good? Is it better to help a whole lot or not at all? This is just something that I wanted to do because I enjoy the animals, not something I want to dedicate my entire life to like the people who run this rescue. Can't there be room for me too? :-(
double sigh.
Roger and I had a fabulous evening together in Philly. We went to The Rittenhouse for dinner and then we went to see Glenn Beck's one man show. A really nice night. I looked awesome. It felt good to get dressed up and have someone take me out for a grown-up night. Yanno, I don't think I've ever had a night like that before. Also of interest was when a woman with her boyfriend in the parking garage elevator with us after show commented on how she felt better about her shirt when she noticed that my boobs were hanging out too.
I then proceeded to get the worst migraine I have ever had in my life. It was partially (well, totally) my fault since I spent the day eating every migraine trigger food imaginable. The headache was so bad, I considered having Roger take me to the hospital, but I wanted to try some Aleve first. After being unable to find a pharmacy, Roger very sweetly stopped at a gas station that had a convenience store. It was in a super-shady place. When he got out of the car, he left it running and told me to lock the doors behind him. He went up to the counter where the man at the register gets you want you want and then takes your money through a bullet-proof revolving lazy susan type thing. Shady people were all over, and a homeless man tried to polish Roger's hubcaps. When Roger got back in the car, I begged him to take me back to where the white people were. "We don't belong here!" I cried out.
Obviously, we made it out of there alive.
Also in news of my life, I got my ears pierced. No, I never had them pierced before. Brooke went with me and took pictures, so as soon as she gets back home to Hawaii I expect her to email me the pictures. We went to Tattoo City and a very cool guy did it for me. The pain wasn't as bad as the crunch noise. I was not expecting that. I was also not expecting that it would still hurt days later. I thought it was a one time "ouch" and then was all better. Nay, my friend. There have been days of plasma oozing, itching, and assorted discomfort. It's not infected or anything, it's just part of the healing process that I hadn't really thought through.
That's all the exciting stuff I can think of for now. I will try to update more often because it's hard to remember everything all at once.
Monday, May 21, 2007
May 21, 2007 5:02pm
I'm feeling nostalgic for something I've never had.
Recently, I've been missing my dad. I've had these moments where I think about how great it would be if he were alive to share it with me. I wish he was around so I could talk to him about something. I wish he was there to see all the awesome cooking I've been doing. I wish I could share a museum or art gallery with him.
But when he was alive, I was never able to do those things with him. He was a difficult man and we didn't always get along. Most conversations ended in an argument, and it was rare that we shared a friendly moment.
So why am I now missing something that I never had? Maybe I just answered my own question.
Recently, I've been missing my dad. I've had these moments where I think about how great it would be if he were alive to share it with me. I wish he was around so I could talk to him about something. I wish he was there to see all the awesome cooking I've been doing. I wish I could share a museum or art gallery with him.
But when he was alive, I was never able to do those things with him. He was a difficult man and we didn't always get along. Most conversations ended in an argument, and it was rare that we shared a friendly moment.
So why am I now missing something that I never had? Maybe I just answered my own question.
Monday, May 14, 2007
May 15, 2007 12:59am
A professor at my school died over the weekend. He was young, it was sudden, everyone is in shock.
For some strange reason, nobody will tell us anything about why or how he died. He leaves behind a fiancee and 2 children from a previous marriage.
Yes, it's all very sad. What is annoying me is that students seem to be using this as an excuse to act even more bratty than they usually do. Shouldn't this be one of those moments when you say, "Wow, my life really isn't so bad. Maybe I should start appreciating more."
No, apprently not.
It's just a continuation of their favorite hobby.....bitching.
Bitching about everything and everyone. Bitching about having to be here, bitching about having to be there, bitching about assignments, bitching about tests, bitching about schedules.
They all think they already know better. Hey, how about having an open mind and maybe, just maybe, when someone who has been in practice for the last 15 years tells you something you consider that it just might be worth listening to. Let's just go out on a limb and say that maybe someone who has never set foot in a hospital other than as a visitor really doesn't have a fucking clue what goes on and this is supposed to all be a learning experience for them. Dashing in with all these ideas of "well, this is how it's going to be when I'm there...." will just make you look foolish.
Know what else hate? People who seem to be confrontational or argumentative about everything I say
For example:
Me: I'm having a hard time with this particular subject. I hope I did well on the test.
Other person: I'm sure I did well. This isn't difficult.
Me: Medical school isn't difficult?
OP: No, it's mostly just common sense.
Me: Well, I like going to class
OP: It's just a waste of time.
Me: I'm looking forward to starting rotations and being able to start using some of the skills I've learned
OP: They better not criticize me because I'm not gonna take any of that shit.
Me: Constructive criticism isn't so bad.
OP: I know what I'm doing already. I have a plan. My life fits into a plan. I know where I'm going
Me: Well, I do too, I think. I mean school is going well and it looks like I've got that whole career thing mostly figured out for now.
OP: Well, there's no point in you having a relationship because there's no reason to get married?
Me: Wha?
OP: Well, by the time we finish school you're going to be too old.
Me: Old?
OP: Yeah, I mean, after residency and stuff you'll be like 30.
Me: Right.
OP: Well, I wouldn't want to have, like a retarded kid, and that's what you get after 30.
Me: I've been getting tutoring from Dr.xxx for board review. It's been helpful.
OP: I think he's an arrogant ass.
Me: Well, he's been really helpful.
OP: He thinks he's really smart
Me: Well.....he is, actually.
OP: Yeah, I hate him.
How can you hate someone you don't even know? How can you have a dislike for someone so strong that you can call it hate for someone who you only know from the 1-2 hours/week they have lectured to you? How is it possible to have so much extra energy that you can have an opinion on absolutely EVERYONE and EVERYTHING?!?!?!?!?!
Mind you, this is a abbreviated form of several conversations I have had with someone.
Sigh.
And this someone is a friend.
Not that long ago, I was in a really, really dark place and I hated it. I hated that I couldn't enjoy every second of my life (well, nobody enjoys every second, but you get the idea). I hated that I felt useless. I hated having no energy, no happiness.
And now I'm in a completely different place. I'm excited for every day to come. I look forward to tomorrow, and the next day.
So why the hell am I made to feel guilty? "made" is aprobably the wrong word. I don't think anyone is trying to make me feel guilty. But whenever I don't bitch about everything and everyone, and have a hate for everything and everyone, I have to hear from everyone else about all the stuff they hate and all the people they hate.
Why can't anyone find something positive about their life? Why do the people who really don't have ANYTHING truly negative (illness, major financial problems, family catastrophe, etc) spend so much energy finding things to be angry about.
Walk in the door to find a family member unexpectedly dead. There's something to be angry about. That's life-changing.
Find out you have a brain tumor. Nothing will ever be the same.
But finding out that you have a test scheduled for a time that turns out to be inconvenient for you does not give you reason or the right to then be in a shitty mood for the rest of the week.
Seeing that you didn't do as well on an exam as you thought you did does not make the teacher an evil, evil person who deserves your disdain. If you're required to drive to some out of the way location to see patients with a rural doc one day, and your friend only had to go to the office across the street, it does not mean that there is a vast conspiracy against you. If something in your schedule doesn't work out the way you want it to, you can probably rest assured that it was not done simply to piss you off.
You are not that important. Psychos of the world are plotting assasinations and mass bombings. Nobody at any school where they are responsible for 300+ students in 4 years of classes is sitting at their desk in Mr. Burns fashion and plotting to destroy you by having a mandatory luncheon right at the time when you want to go grocery shopping.
This is true in general life as well. Granted, there are some lousy people in this world. Some of them really are out to get you for one reason or another. Some people just might try to destroy you or your career somehow and for some reason. This is terrible when it happens, but it qualifies as one of those life-changing things that someone has every right in the world to be pissed off about.
The dude who took the parking space that you really wanted at Wal-Mart did not arrive just at that moment solely for the purpose of ruining your day.
And if that's all it takes to ruin your day, then you need to remove the large boot that has been shoved up your ass.
I recommend a colonoscopy. Without sedative.
For some strange reason, nobody will tell us anything about why or how he died. He leaves behind a fiancee and 2 children from a previous marriage.
Yes, it's all very sad. What is annoying me is that students seem to be using this as an excuse to act even more bratty than they usually do. Shouldn't this be one of those moments when you say, "Wow, my life really isn't so bad. Maybe I should start appreciating more."
No, apprently not.
It's just a continuation of their favorite hobby.....bitching.
Bitching about everything and everyone. Bitching about having to be here, bitching about having to be there, bitching about assignments, bitching about tests, bitching about schedules.
They all think they already know better. Hey, how about having an open mind and maybe, just maybe, when someone who has been in practice for the last 15 years tells you something you consider that it just might be worth listening to. Let's just go out on a limb and say that maybe someone who has never set foot in a hospital other than as a visitor really doesn't have a fucking clue what goes on and this is supposed to all be a learning experience for them. Dashing in with all these ideas of "well, this is how it's going to be when I'm there...." will just make you look foolish.
Know what else hate? People who seem to be confrontational or argumentative about everything I say
For example:
Me: I'm having a hard time with this particular subject. I hope I did well on the test.
Other person: I'm sure I did well. This isn't difficult.
Me: Medical school isn't difficult?
OP: No, it's mostly just common sense.
Me: Well, I like going to class
OP: It's just a waste of time.
Me: I'm looking forward to starting rotations and being able to start using some of the skills I've learned
OP: They better not criticize me because I'm not gonna take any of that shit.
Me: Constructive criticism isn't so bad.
OP: I know what I'm doing already. I have a plan. My life fits into a plan. I know where I'm going
Me: Well, I do too, I think. I mean school is going well and it looks like I've got that whole career thing mostly figured out for now.
OP: Well, there's no point in you having a relationship because there's no reason to get married?
Me: Wha?
OP: Well, by the time we finish school you're going to be too old.
Me: Old?
OP: Yeah, I mean, after residency and stuff you'll be like 30.
Me: Right.
OP: Well, I wouldn't want to have, like a retarded kid, and that's what you get after 30.
Me: I've been getting tutoring from Dr.xxx for board review. It's been helpful.
OP: I think he's an arrogant ass.
Me: Well, he's been really helpful.
OP: He thinks he's really smart
Me: Well.....he is, actually.
OP: Yeah, I hate him.
How can you hate someone you don't even know? How can you have a dislike for someone so strong that you can call it hate for someone who you only know from the 1-2 hours/week they have lectured to you? How is it possible to have so much extra energy that you can have an opinion on absolutely EVERYONE and EVERYTHING?!?!?!?!?!
Mind you, this is a abbreviated form of several conversations I have had with someone.
Sigh.
And this someone is a friend.
Not that long ago, I was in a really, really dark place and I hated it. I hated that I couldn't enjoy every second of my life (well, nobody enjoys every second, but you get the idea). I hated that I felt useless. I hated having no energy, no happiness.
And now I'm in a completely different place. I'm excited for every day to come. I look forward to tomorrow, and the next day.
So why the hell am I made to feel guilty? "made" is aprobably the wrong word. I don't think anyone is trying to make me feel guilty. But whenever I don't bitch about everything and everyone, and have a hate for everything and everyone, I have to hear from everyone else about all the stuff they hate and all the people they hate.
Why can't anyone find something positive about their life? Why do the people who really don't have ANYTHING truly negative (illness, major financial problems, family catastrophe, etc) spend so much energy finding things to be angry about.
Walk in the door to find a family member unexpectedly dead. There's something to be angry about. That's life-changing.
Find out you have a brain tumor. Nothing will ever be the same.
But finding out that you have a test scheduled for a time that turns out to be inconvenient for you does not give you reason or the right to then be in a shitty mood for the rest of the week.
Seeing that you didn't do as well on an exam as you thought you did does not make the teacher an evil, evil person who deserves your disdain. If you're required to drive to some out of the way location to see patients with a rural doc one day, and your friend only had to go to the office across the street, it does not mean that there is a vast conspiracy against you. If something in your schedule doesn't work out the way you want it to, you can probably rest assured that it was not done simply to piss you off.
You are not that important. Psychos of the world are plotting assasinations and mass bombings. Nobody at any school where they are responsible for 300+ students in 4 years of classes is sitting at their desk in Mr. Burns fashion and plotting to destroy you by having a mandatory luncheon right at the time when you want to go grocery shopping.
This is true in general life as well. Granted, there are some lousy people in this world. Some of them really are out to get you for one reason or another. Some people just might try to destroy you or your career somehow and for some reason. This is terrible when it happens, but it qualifies as one of those life-changing things that someone has every right in the world to be pissed off about.
The dude who took the parking space that you really wanted at Wal-Mart did not arrive just at that moment solely for the purpose of ruining your day.
And if that's all it takes to ruin your day, then you need to remove the large boot that has been shoved up your ass.
I recommend a colonoscopy. Without sedative.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
May 9, 2007 9:10pm
Tonight I officially turned over the Internal Medicine Club to a new president and other officers. I'm a little sad because, being the micro-managing control freak that I am, it means that it's one less thing I am in charge of.
Oh well, the food at the Mexican restaurant where we went for our transition meeting was yummy. Unfortunately, there was a Mariachi band there and it made it a little difficult to talk.
I had a peach margarita, so the noise didn't really bother me much.
I've been starting my heavy board reviewing. Spent some time today at The Wild Bean, a coffee house in town, a studied for several hours. It was nice until about 4:00 when all the high school students got there and it became incredibly loud.
I'm going home to Jersey on the 25th. Yay!
Oh well, the food at the Mexican restaurant where we went for our transition meeting was yummy. Unfortunately, there was a Mariachi band there and it made it a little difficult to talk.
I had a peach margarita, so the noise didn't really bother me much.
I've been starting my heavy board reviewing. Spent some time today at The Wild Bean, a coffee house in town, a studied for several hours. It was nice until about 4:00 when all the high school students got there and it became incredibly loud.
I'm going home to Jersey on the 25th. Yay!
Thursday, May 03, 2007
May 3, 2007 2:20am
So tonight I went to a first year student's house for a discussion group I joined on Complementary and Alternative Medicine (CAM). It's something I'm really interested in and have been doing quite a bit of personal research on.
My interest stems from not wanting to get sick. I've been given a shitty genetic mixture and I'd like to not end up with the miserable health problems my dad had.
I recently bought a kick ass text book called Integrative Medicine. It outlines all the standard and alternative treatments for various diseases. Unline some other CAM-related books, it has no problem citing actual studies to back up the effectiveness of treatments and also citing those studies which show no effect (or possibly a harmful one) for other treatments. I really like that it integrates what we consider traditional "western" medicine (ie drugs, surgery, etc) with alternative therapies.
But here is why this all makes for an interesting story. Remember I told you all about Nathan giving me crap about my food and recycling and all that other stuff?
Well, tonight I came face to face with what I refuse to become.
I arrived at this house to meet with our CAm discussion group. I was offered cucumber water, which I learned is just plain water with slices of cucumber floating in it. I had expected some sort of weird slurry, but was pleasantly surprised.
I was the only person who didn't take their shoes off at the door. I don't know why. I wasn't entering a mosque, so it never occurred to me that shoes were not allowed or even optional. Granted, I was wearing my Birkenstocks so that might be as close to shoeless as one can get in the Hippie world without actually not wearing shoes.
We all introduced ourselves. I was only 1 of 2 2nd year students. There were also 6 1st year students and 2 faculty members (both clinicians). Everyone gave a brief introduction to why they were interested in this topic. Some things I learned......
Birkenstocks are probably the only thing I share in common with these people
I was likely the only person in the room who has consumed meat (aka animal flesh) in the past 5 years
I was likely the only person who felt like 10 minutes of meditation felt like 3 hours of agonizing silence
Sarcasm is not appreciated by those in the free spirit community
Finding inner peace and being able to project that healing feeling onto your patients requires you to wear gaucho pants.
I will now discuss Gaucho pants. I don't like them. I don't need something to make my legs look fatter than they are. However, I was the only female there not wearing some variation of the Gaucho pant. From what I could tell, very loose fitting pants are necessary to achieve some level of Zen/Scientology/Level IV Dungeon Master excellence. The only practical reason for this that I can figure is that it makes it easier to do that meditation sitting position where your feet are crossed over the opposite thighs and you're sitting up. I don't know who popularized this barbaric position, but I bet they spent some time in Haight-Ashbury.
We meditated. I didn't sit in the funny position, but others did. Every minute or two, I opened one eye at a time and glanced around that side of the room that I could see through the corresponding eye. They were all depp in a trance except for me. It was 10 minutes, but I was just aching to say something. Maybe silence makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I was amused by the funny stomach noises coming from the guy across the table from me.
We then made a list of topics we would like to cover and determined that we would pick a new topic for each week. The vote was that next week's topic will be on the Macrobiotic Diet.
I'll keep going until I leave for the summer. It's interesting and will make for a fun social experiment. :-)
I am crazy tired right now. Goodnight.
My interest stems from not wanting to get sick. I've been given a shitty genetic mixture and I'd like to not end up with the miserable health problems my dad had.
I recently bought a kick ass text book called Integrative Medicine. It outlines all the standard and alternative treatments for various diseases. Unline some other CAM-related books, it has no problem citing actual studies to back up the effectiveness of treatments and also citing those studies which show no effect (or possibly a harmful one) for other treatments. I really like that it integrates what we consider traditional "western" medicine (ie drugs, surgery, etc) with alternative therapies.
But here is why this all makes for an interesting story. Remember I told you all about Nathan giving me crap about my food and recycling and all that other stuff?
Well, tonight I came face to face with what I refuse to become.
I arrived at this house to meet with our CAm discussion group. I was offered cucumber water, which I learned is just plain water with slices of cucumber floating in it. I had expected some sort of weird slurry, but was pleasantly surprised.
I was the only person who didn't take their shoes off at the door. I don't know why. I wasn't entering a mosque, so it never occurred to me that shoes were not allowed or even optional. Granted, I was wearing my Birkenstocks so that might be as close to shoeless as one can get in the Hippie world without actually not wearing shoes.
We all introduced ourselves. I was only 1 of 2 2nd year students. There were also 6 1st year students and 2 faculty members (both clinicians). Everyone gave a brief introduction to why they were interested in this topic. Some things I learned......
Birkenstocks are probably the only thing I share in common with these people
I was likely the only person in the room who has consumed meat (aka animal flesh) in the past 5 years
I was likely the only person who felt like 10 minutes of meditation felt like 3 hours of agonizing silence
Sarcasm is not appreciated by those in the free spirit community
Finding inner peace and being able to project that healing feeling onto your patients requires you to wear gaucho pants.
I will now discuss Gaucho pants. I don't like them. I don't need something to make my legs look fatter than they are. However, I was the only female there not wearing some variation of the Gaucho pant. From what I could tell, very loose fitting pants are necessary to achieve some level of Zen/Scientology/Level IV Dungeon Master excellence. The only practical reason for this that I can figure is that it makes it easier to do that meditation sitting position where your feet are crossed over the opposite thighs and you're sitting up. I don't know who popularized this barbaric position, but I bet they spent some time in Haight-Ashbury.
We meditated. I didn't sit in the funny position, but others did. Every minute or two, I opened one eye at a time and glanced around that side of the room that I could see through the corresponding eye. They were all depp in a trance except for me. It was 10 minutes, but I was just aching to say something. Maybe silence makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I was amused by the funny stomach noises coming from the guy across the table from me.
We then made a list of topics we would like to cover and determined that we would pick a new topic for each week. The vote was that next week's topic will be on the Macrobiotic Diet.
I'll keep going until I leave for the summer. It's interesting and will make for a fun social experiment. :-)
I am crazy tired right now. Goodnight.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
May 1, 2007 5:44pm
Had a wonderful weekend with Roger here. We went up to Buckhannon where I'm moving this summer to start my rotations. I signed the lease for my house. On the ride there and back, I educated him on some fine American music he was never exposed to. One just can't go a lifetime without hearing some Miles Davis and John Coltrane, really.
Monday night, Nathan came over to study OPP. This made for an interesting night when he saw all my new and improved organic, toxin-free stuff and the text book on Integrative Medicine that I bought.
He put his head in his hands and said, "You've gone liberal blue on me! You've gone liberal! I can't believe this."
Well, that's not true. But it was funny seeing him freak out. Especially since our friendship began in Anatomy lab when he looked over our dead body and asked, "Are you a flaming liberal?" I said no, I wasn't. From that point on, we've gotten along great.
I'm trying my best to not be annoying to others in my new green phase. I remember when everyone I knew was either on Weight Watchers or the Atkins Diet. Going out to dinner was a nightmare because they all wanted to tell me how many points my food was worth, or how many carbs I was eating. I really didn't care, and I found it annoying that someone felt the need to tell me that.
So, I'm keeping it to myself (except, of course, with Nathan, for whom it seems to be a point of irritation and, therefore, entertainment for me).
That aside, I wanted to mention a point that BBM brought up in a comment. She's right, all this crap is expensive. It sucks. I don't get it. Well, I mean, I kinda do. There's less of it and less of a demand for it so it's more expensive. The only way organic and hormone free food would become cheaper is if it became the only way to produce food. But right now, commercial farms rule the industry and they can manage to produce a massive amount of food, while smaller farms have to make less at a time.
And I don't know how a family manages to afford it. For me it's not too hard. It's just me here so the amount of food (and cleaning products, and paper products, etc) that I need to buy is rather limited. Since I pay more for the stuff, I am more conscious of what I am spending (a good thing) and I try to not let things spoil and waste (also a good thing). But I don't know how this would be managable for a family that is already counting every penny. An extra $2 for a half gallon of milk is a lot when you go through it in a day. It doesn't make that much difference when I buy a quart at a time and it takes me over a week to finish it.
It sucks, but unless there is some massive revolution in our eating and buying practices, I don't see it getting cheaper.
Just like it's really convenient for a movie star to buy a pimped out hybrid, when the average person is just hoping that the muffler on their 89 Toyota with 200,000 miles on it doesn't fall off.
Monday night, Nathan came over to study OPP. This made for an interesting night when he saw all my new and improved organic, toxin-free stuff and the text book on Integrative Medicine that I bought.
He put his head in his hands and said, "You've gone liberal blue on me! You've gone liberal! I can't believe this."
Well, that's not true. But it was funny seeing him freak out. Especially since our friendship began in Anatomy lab when he looked over our dead body and asked, "Are you a flaming liberal?" I said no, I wasn't. From that point on, we've gotten along great.
I'm trying my best to not be annoying to others in my new green phase. I remember when everyone I knew was either on Weight Watchers or the Atkins Diet. Going out to dinner was a nightmare because they all wanted to tell me how many points my food was worth, or how many carbs I was eating. I really didn't care, and I found it annoying that someone felt the need to tell me that.
So, I'm keeping it to myself (except, of course, with Nathan, for whom it seems to be a point of irritation and, therefore, entertainment for me).
That aside, I wanted to mention a point that BBM brought up in a comment. She's right, all this crap is expensive. It sucks. I don't get it. Well, I mean, I kinda do. There's less of it and less of a demand for it so it's more expensive. The only way organic and hormone free food would become cheaper is if it became the only way to produce food. But right now, commercial farms rule the industry and they can manage to produce a massive amount of food, while smaller farms have to make less at a time.
And I don't know how a family manages to afford it. For me it's not too hard. It's just me here so the amount of food (and cleaning products, and paper products, etc) that I need to buy is rather limited. Since I pay more for the stuff, I am more conscious of what I am spending (a good thing) and I try to not let things spoil and waste (also a good thing). But I don't know how this would be managable for a family that is already counting every penny. An extra $2 for a half gallon of milk is a lot when you go through it in a day. It doesn't make that much difference when I buy a quart at a time and it takes me over a week to finish it.
It sucks, but unless there is some massive revolution in our eating and buying practices, I don't see it getting cheaper.
Just like it's really convenient for a movie star to buy a pimped out hybrid, when the average person is just hoping that the muffler on their 89 Toyota with 200,000 miles on it doesn't fall off.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
April 25, 2007 11:52pm
Roger is coming down this weekend to visit. Actually, he's driving down tomorrow night! Yay!
And perfect timing for me to be cranky, bloated, and just generally feeling like a PMSing bitch.
I think I have my housing situation worked out for moving to Buckhannon. Roger and I are going to take a drive up there on Saturday to check out a place that I am probably going to rent.
School is draining the life juice out of me.
Speaking of juice, my "going green" plan has started to get out of control. I did some research in the library at school on pesitcides and children. I'm having the librarian get me some articles on organic food, pesticide levels in the blood, and nutrient levels of food. I also just bought a text book on integrative medicine.
See, I'm the kind of person who can't just like something. I have to become completely obsessed with it.
And perfect timing for me to be cranky, bloated, and just generally feeling like a PMSing bitch.
I think I have my housing situation worked out for moving to Buckhannon. Roger and I are going to take a drive up there on Saturday to check out a place that I am probably going to rent.
School is draining the life juice out of me.
Speaking of juice, my "going green" plan has started to get out of control. I did some research in the library at school on pesitcides and children. I'm having the librarian get me some articles on organic food, pesticide levels in the blood, and nutrient levels of food. I also just bought a text book on integrative medicine.
See, I'm the kind of person who can't just like something. I have to become completely obsessed with it.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
April, 21, 2007 12:21pm
So I have a new obsession....going green.
I'm not entirely sure why this has happened to me. Growing up, my family was always fairly anti-recycling (because of the effort), and I adopted that philosophy when I moved to a town where recycling was optional.
But I have changed. I think it's because all of the people on tv who are "green" always look so happy and healthy and peaceful. Somewhere in my mind, I associate the use of organic cotton with inner peace.
We'll have to see if it works.
Oprah had a show about this yesterday. She had guests on who talking about all the environment-friendly things that people can do. I was a little bummbed because I already do most of them, and those that I don't do require lifestyle changes that I'm just not willing to make (ie installing low flow shower heads....um...no).
I've been trying to eat organic. I buy exclusively organic dairy products (as long as I can find them) and I buy all the organic veggies I can from the rather sad selection that Kroger offers. I can't seem to find organic meat, but I'm working on that problem.
Next, I'm going to try to switch to chemical free cleaners. I found a company called Gaiam that sells all kinds of stuff like that. Some things they have are way beyond what I'm willing to try (like the toilet water sink) but I'm intriuged by composting. Mostly for the same reason that I like watching my laundry agitate in the washing machine. I like seeing stuff happen, and the idea of seeing my trash break down right in front of me gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling. It might inspire me to garden more because I'll have all that nifty fertilizer right there. I'm a bit concerned about the smell, though. Where the hell does one keep something like that?
I must get back to studying. We have an exam on Monday and I am procrastinating terribly.
I'm not entirely sure why this has happened to me. Growing up, my family was always fairly anti-recycling (because of the effort), and I adopted that philosophy when I moved to a town where recycling was optional.
But I have changed. I think it's because all of the people on tv who are "green" always look so happy and healthy and peaceful. Somewhere in my mind, I associate the use of organic cotton with inner peace.
We'll have to see if it works.
Oprah had a show about this yesterday. She had guests on who talking about all the environment-friendly things that people can do. I was a little bummbed because I already do most of them, and those that I don't do require lifestyle changes that I'm just not willing to make (ie installing low flow shower heads....um...no).
I've been trying to eat organic. I buy exclusively organic dairy products (as long as I can find them) and I buy all the organic veggies I can from the rather sad selection that Kroger offers. I can't seem to find organic meat, but I'm working on that problem.
Next, I'm going to try to switch to chemical free cleaners. I found a company called Gaiam that sells all kinds of stuff like that. Some things they have are way beyond what I'm willing to try (like the toilet water sink) but I'm intriuged by composting. Mostly for the same reason that I like watching my laundry agitate in the washing machine. I like seeing stuff happen, and the idea of seeing my trash break down right in front of me gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling. It might inspire me to garden more because I'll have all that nifty fertilizer right there. I'm a bit concerned about the smell, though. Where the hell does one keep something like that?
I must get back to studying. We have an exam on Monday and I am procrastinating terribly.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
April 17, 2007 10:00pm
My apologies for not updating at all last week.
I went home to NJ for spring break, and I just got tied up with stuff. By the time I'd get around to checking email, I was too tired to formulate a post.
In summary:
Saw my sisters for Easter. Had a wonderful time visiting with them. I drove into NJ Thursday night after I finished at a dr's office seeing patients. I developed a severe, severe migraine Thursday morning that did not go away until about 11pm. It was the first time I ever had a migraine with an aura. I saw flashing lights about 20 minutes before the headache started. Worst one I ever had.
I rolled into NJ after midnight. By that time, my sisters had all already gotten there. Blair was staying at my house so my mom let her in. I walked in with all my stuff and a bottle of Grey Goose and some Tonic because I lubs my sistah!
Friday I had a wonderful time taking my niece, Tessa, to get a pedicure. She's 5 and when I told her where we were going she proclaimed that "My one life's wish has been granted!".
Saturday was my day to make dinner for everyone at my place. I love, love, love cooking so this was great for me. While I was on my way to the grocery store, I decided to call Roger and ask him if he would like to join us. At first, he danced around it and said he didn't want to intrude. Blah blah blah. I had shopping to do so I hung up. 5 minutes later, he calls back and asks if the offer still stands. He arrived a few hours later with flowers. He met my sisters and my mom. It all went well :-) He seemed to have a nice time.
Sunday was Easter. We all congregated at my mom's for food. We ate and ate.
Monday, Roger came down and we went out for sushi.
Tuesday....I don't remember what happened on Tuesday. Oh yes, I went to the dentist.
Wednesday I had lunch with a friend, then I drove up to Roger's place. I did some osteopathic super duper manipulation on him because he was having some back and neck problems. We went to dinner.
Thursday, my friends Ryan and Jess came to stay with me for the night on their way to Sea Isle City for a "sorry you have cancer, but here's a house at the beach for a weekend" program. It was so great to see them! I got to cook for them. Ryan and I stayed up until after 2am talking...that's when Jess came down and scolded us.
Friday evening I went to the NY International Auto Show with Roger. By dinnertime, I was feeling really sick. I had a sore throat, fever, just general nastyness. We stayed in and got some pizza. He rubbed my feetsies and then went and got me ice cream.
On Saturday, it was determined that I had strep and I started some antibiotics. Roger drove down and helped me run errands and pack my truck. I sat on my couch with a blanket and pillow.
So now here I am....back in WV.
I just want to say that the massacre at VT is just unthinkable. My campus will be holding a candlelight vigil tomorrow night at 8pm. I just can't imagine what it was like for those students going through that.
I went home to NJ for spring break, and I just got tied up with stuff. By the time I'd get around to checking email, I was too tired to formulate a post.
In summary:
Saw my sisters for Easter. Had a wonderful time visiting with them. I drove into NJ Thursday night after I finished at a dr's office seeing patients. I developed a severe, severe migraine Thursday morning that did not go away until about 11pm. It was the first time I ever had a migraine with an aura. I saw flashing lights about 20 minutes before the headache started. Worst one I ever had.
I rolled into NJ after midnight. By that time, my sisters had all already gotten there. Blair was staying at my house so my mom let her in. I walked in with all my stuff and a bottle of Grey Goose and some Tonic because I lubs my sistah!
Friday I had a wonderful time taking my niece, Tessa, to get a pedicure. She's 5 and when I told her where we were going she proclaimed that "My one life's wish has been granted!".
Saturday was my day to make dinner for everyone at my place. I love, love, love cooking so this was great for me. While I was on my way to the grocery store, I decided to call Roger and ask him if he would like to join us. At first, he danced around it and said he didn't want to intrude. Blah blah blah. I had shopping to do so I hung up. 5 minutes later, he calls back and asks if the offer still stands. He arrived a few hours later with flowers. He met my sisters and my mom. It all went well :-) He seemed to have a nice time.
Sunday was Easter. We all congregated at my mom's for food. We ate and ate.
Monday, Roger came down and we went out for sushi.
Tuesday....I don't remember what happened on Tuesday. Oh yes, I went to the dentist.
Wednesday I had lunch with a friend, then I drove up to Roger's place. I did some osteopathic super duper manipulation on him because he was having some back and neck problems. We went to dinner.
Thursday, my friends Ryan and Jess came to stay with me for the night on their way to Sea Isle City for a "sorry you have cancer, but here's a house at the beach for a weekend" program. It was so great to see them! I got to cook for them. Ryan and I stayed up until after 2am talking...that's when Jess came down and scolded us.
Friday evening I went to the NY International Auto Show with Roger. By dinnertime, I was feeling really sick. I had a sore throat, fever, just general nastyness. We stayed in and got some pizza. He rubbed my feetsies and then went and got me ice cream.
On Saturday, it was determined that I had strep and I started some antibiotics. Roger drove down and helped me run errands and pack my truck. I sat on my couch with a blanket and pillow.
So now here I am....back in WV.
I just want to say that the massacre at VT is just unthinkable. My campus will be holding a candlelight vigil tomorrow night at 8pm. I just can't imagine what it was like for those students going through that.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
April 3, 2007 8:53pm
So, it looks like my little April Fool's joke had it's intended effect.
Actually, I have to give credit to Beej for putting the idea in my head...oh about a million years ago when she made an April Fool's post to a message board with something to the effect of making cheese out of breast milk. There were other things on it, but that's the one that has stuck in my head for-ev-er. Ever since then, I've wanted to pull my own little shocking prank.
I am not becoming a lesbian. That's fine if it floats your boat, but some girls just can't live without a little dick in their life (wait, ixnay on the little part).
I am not dropping out of medical school. I haven't worked this hard for this long just to leave when I'm halfway though. Besides, I've had some experiences lately that really cemented my love of this.
And I am really, really, really not going to rent out my uterus. All of my body parts are mine and for my use only unless a family member needs a kidney or some bone marrow or something like that.
One more thing, my little joke made me start thinking about the Knot Gang. What has happened to everyone? It's hard to google them since I didn't know everyone's full names.
For those of you not in "the know", The Knot was a section on AOL for wedding planning. There's an internet version that I used in my (ahem) former wedding to douche bag planning. But before AOL jacked with their message boards it was a really cool place on there. I got to meet some of the gals from there in NYC once. I even had one stay with me in NY for a few days.
But there were also a few wackos. The occasional drive-by troll whenever schools were on breaks were common, but there were also regular wackos who proudly displayed their crazyness and then would find internet Rabbis to back up their positions. Ah, memories.
Ok, here's what I remember....
I remember someone with a name like Cowbell or Cowhearder or something like that.
I remember someone who was militant about etiquette (No you tramp! The fork goes on the left! Bitch! Whore!)
I remember a woman named Suzy. She had some weird marriage situation where she was either married to someone way younger than her or possibly way older. She took everything literally and didn't know anything about sex. Maybe it was all an act. Either way, I remember being in a private chat room with her one night trying to explain to her how to give a blow job and explaining what "Do your curtains match your carpet?" meant.
I remember internet Rabbis
I remember moist panties
I remember fishbowl centerpieces
I remember cash bars and dollar dances
C'mon girls, refresh my memory. I know there was other stuff that happened!
Actually, I have to give credit to Beej for putting the idea in my head...oh about a million years ago when she made an April Fool's post to a message board with something to the effect of making cheese out of breast milk. There were other things on it, but that's the one that has stuck in my head for-ev-er. Ever since then, I've wanted to pull my own little shocking prank.
I am not becoming a lesbian. That's fine if it floats your boat, but some girls just can't live without a little dick in their life (wait, ixnay on the little part).
I am not dropping out of medical school. I haven't worked this hard for this long just to leave when I'm halfway though. Besides, I've had some experiences lately that really cemented my love of this.
And I am really, really, really not going to rent out my uterus. All of my body parts are mine and for my use only unless a family member needs a kidney or some bone marrow or something like that.
One more thing, my little joke made me start thinking about the Knot Gang. What has happened to everyone? It's hard to google them since I didn't know everyone's full names.
For those of you not in "the know", The Knot was a section on AOL for wedding planning. There's an internet version that I used in my (ahem) former wedding to douche bag planning. But before AOL jacked with their message boards it was a really cool place on there. I got to meet some of the gals from there in NYC once. I even had one stay with me in NY for a few days.
But there were also a few wackos. The occasional drive-by troll whenever schools were on breaks were common, but there were also regular wackos who proudly displayed their crazyness and then would find internet Rabbis to back up their positions. Ah, memories.
Ok, here's what I remember....
I remember someone with a name like Cowbell or Cowhearder or something like that.
I remember someone who was militant about etiquette (No you tramp! The fork goes on the left! Bitch! Whore!)
I remember a woman named Suzy. She had some weird marriage situation where she was either married to someone way younger than her or possibly way older. She took everything literally and didn't know anything about sex. Maybe it was all an act. Either way, I remember being in a private chat room with her one night trying to explain to her how to give a blow job and explaining what "Do your curtains match your carpet?" meant.
I remember internet Rabbis
I remember moist panties
I remember fishbowl centerpieces
I remember cash bars and dollar dances
C'mon girls, refresh my memory. I know there was other stuff that happened!
Sunday, April 01, 2007
April 1, 2007 8:58pm
I'm finally getting a chance to update everyone like I promised in my last post.
Like I said, I do have some news.
First and foremost, I've decided to leave medical school. I spent a lot of time thinking about this, and I realize now that my heart just isn't in this. The lease on my apartment is up at the end of this month, so I will be slowly moving myself back to NJ. I already notified the school that I will not be finishing the semester.
Second, I decided that to make some money while I am deciding what to do for a career, I will become a surrogate mother. I put my information up on Craigs List and have already received several inquiries. I feel like it is my obligation to rent out my uterus to childless couples. I decided that I will also make a MySpace page for this so that I can reach more people.
Third, and probably the most shocking, is that I've decided to become a lesbian. Now, I know some people say it isn't something you can just "decide" to be, but when I put my mind to something I really intend to do it. Men are just too complicated for me and I think that I really belong in the sisterhood of lesbos.
I'm really exciting about starting my new life.
Like I said, I do have some news.
First and foremost, I've decided to leave medical school. I spent a lot of time thinking about this, and I realize now that my heart just isn't in this. The lease on my apartment is up at the end of this month, so I will be slowly moving myself back to NJ. I already notified the school that I will not be finishing the semester.
Second, I decided that to make some money while I am deciding what to do for a career, I will become a surrogate mother. I put my information up on Craigs List and have already received several inquiries. I feel like it is my obligation to rent out my uterus to childless couples. I decided that I will also make a MySpace page for this so that I can reach more people.
Third, and probably the most shocking, is that I've decided to become a lesbian. Now, I know some people say it isn't something you can just "decide" to be, but when I put my mind to something I really intend to do it. Men are just too complicated for me and I think that I really belong in the sisterhood of lesbos.
I'm really exciting about starting my new life.
Friday, March 30, 2007
March 30, 2007 7:47am
I am about to run out the door to school to take my Endocrine System final.
I have much random nonsense to update on. I will do that later.
For now, I wanted to give everyone a piece of information to file under the "I could have gone my whole life without knowing that and been fine" file.
If you eat Raisin Bran and don't digest the raisins, the next day you will poop Concord Grapes.
I have much random nonsense to update on. I will do that later.
For now, I wanted to give everyone a piece of information to file under the "I could have gone my whole life without knowing that and been fine" file.
If you eat Raisin Bran and don't digest the raisins, the next day you will poop Concord Grapes.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
March 25, 2007 2:09pm
I am pissed today.
Last night, I went to a friend's house. The plan was to do grilling and margaritas. I was excited about this. I brought some booze, a board game, and a frizbee for the dog.
I have never been around a group of women so incapable of conversation.
If they weren't talking about how drunk they planned to get or have gotten in the past, they had nothing to talk about. They started pounding beers and mixed drinks at 4:30 and kept going until 9:30when I left (I'm assuming they continued beyond that). Around 8:30, they started the shots...going shot for shot.
Absolutely pathetic.
I just sat there annoyed at myself for wasting an entire night on this horseshit. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I get.
I find it sad that a generation of women who are smart enough to get themselves into medical school are so stupid that they can't talk about anything but drinking.
When I'm home and spending time with my friends there, I don't have this problem. The women I associate with are bright and able to talk about many different things. They don't need alcohol to have a good time, nor do they need it to be able to converse about anything.
My level of disappointment can't even be expressed in words.
Last night, I went to a friend's house. The plan was to do grilling and margaritas. I was excited about this. I brought some booze, a board game, and a frizbee for the dog.
I have never been around a group of women so incapable of conversation.
If they weren't talking about how drunk they planned to get or have gotten in the past, they had nothing to talk about. They started pounding beers and mixed drinks at 4:30 and kept going until 9:30when I left (I'm assuming they continued beyond that). Around 8:30, they started the shots...going shot for shot.
Absolutely pathetic.
I just sat there annoyed at myself for wasting an entire night on this horseshit. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I get.
I find it sad that a generation of women who are smart enough to get themselves into medical school are so stupid that they can't talk about anything but drinking.
When I'm home and spending time with my friends there, I don't have this problem. The women I associate with are bright and able to talk about many different things. They don't need alcohol to have a good time, nor do they need it to be able to converse about anything.
My level of disappointment can't even be expressed in words.
Friday, March 23, 2007
March 23, 2007 7:42pm
Apparently, my blogging absence has caused a stir in the square states. Mass chaos has erupted and my face is on milk cartons.
I am, indeed, okay. Just been busy. School is kicking my ass straight into next week.
To update....
Roger (eharmony dude) came down here to visit. He stayed for a weekend. We did some fun things. I took him for a drive up into the mountains. We went to dinner at the awesome restaurant in town. I got tickets for a bluegrass band concert. Mostly, we just chilled and talked.
I talk to him about every day or so. He called me today to tell me that he got a promotion. He sounded very excited. I was the first person he told.
I have become addicted to catalogue shopping. I have also developed a fetish for soaps, lotions, oils, creams, etc. I blame Maria for this. She told me about Yves Rocher and encouraged me to buy things from the DHC catalogue when it came. DHC sends you free samples in every catalogue and with every order (that's how they suck you in. It's like a drug dealer who gives you your first hit free!). Yves Rocher is insanely cheap and their stuiff smells really, really good.
My other two obsessions are also Brylane Home and The Lakeside Collection. I can't help myself. Snowmen, easter eggs, cute little decorative "accents". I need them all! The kitchen accessories are my biggest weakness. To make this all worse, QVC has all kitchen and entertaining stuff on today! Fabio help me! I already ordered a ceramic watermellon bowl.
Granted, I'm not spending an absurd amount of money on this. For the most part, I just enjoy drinking a cup of tea and leafing through catalogues of things that I have no intention of buying. It's a disease, a sickness. Maria gave it to me. I need help! Help I tell you!
I've also decided to clean out my clothing collection and replenish it with updated stuff. This, of course, includes accessories. I've been getting jewelry from Overstock.com in their Worldstock section. It's all handmade items probably made my some pygmies making $0.03/hour, and I buy the bracelet for $39.99, but at least I can say it's a handmade "unique" item. I really do like their stuff.
The jewelry and such started because I decided that I didn't have enough bling. In the 8 years that DB and I were together, he rarely bought me any jewelry. I'd ask for it for every birthday, anniversary, valentine's day, and christmas. I'd even go so far as to specifically point out in the jewelry store what I liked or email him links to things online that I wanted. What guy wouldn't be thrilled with that?! Well, I could almost count on getting none of those things.
As a result, I have very little jewelry. It just started to occur to me in the past few months that I really, really like wearing jewelry every day, not just to be dressed up. I love silver and white gold, and I want more of it. I'm an independent woman, damnit! I'm gonna buy my own bling!!
If I remember to take some pictures of my new bling, I'll show it off.
I've been really happy lately. I feel good. I feel better than I have in years, I think. I feel confident in myself. I feel good about where I'm going. I feel like I'm embarking on a life that smells nice and has a silver bracelet in it. :-)
I am, indeed, okay. Just been busy. School is kicking my ass straight into next week.
To update....
Roger (eharmony dude) came down here to visit. He stayed for a weekend. We did some fun things. I took him for a drive up into the mountains. We went to dinner at the awesome restaurant in town. I got tickets for a bluegrass band concert. Mostly, we just chilled and talked.
I talk to him about every day or so. He called me today to tell me that he got a promotion. He sounded very excited. I was the first person he told.
I have become addicted to catalogue shopping. I have also developed a fetish for soaps, lotions, oils, creams, etc. I blame Maria for this. She told me about Yves Rocher and encouraged me to buy things from the DHC catalogue when it came. DHC sends you free samples in every catalogue and with every order (that's how they suck you in. It's like a drug dealer who gives you your first hit free!). Yves Rocher is insanely cheap and their stuiff smells really, really good.
My other two obsessions are also Brylane Home and The Lakeside Collection. I can't help myself. Snowmen, easter eggs, cute little decorative "accents". I need them all! The kitchen accessories are my biggest weakness. To make this all worse, QVC has all kitchen and entertaining stuff on today! Fabio help me! I already ordered a ceramic watermellon bowl.
Granted, I'm not spending an absurd amount of money on this. For the most part, I just enjoy drinking a cup of tea and leafing through catalogues of things that I have no intention of buying. It's a disease, a sickness. Maria gave it to me. I need help! Help I tell you!
I've also decided to clean out my clothing collection and replenish it with updated stuff. This, of course, includes accessories. I've been getting jewelry from Overstock.com in their Worldstock section. It's all handmade items probably made my some pygmies making $0.03/hour, and I buy the bracelet for $39.99, but at least I can say it's a handmade "unique" item. I really do like their stuff.
The jewelry and such started because I decided that I didn't have enough bling. In the 8 years that DB and I were together, he rarely bought me any jewelry. I'd ask for it for every birthday, anniversary, valentine's day, and christmas. I'd even go so far as to specifically point out in the jewelry store what I liked or email him links to things online that I wanted. What guy wouldn't be thrilled with that?! Well, I could almost count on getting none of those things.
As a result, I have very little jewelry. It just started to occur to me in the past few months that I really, really like wearing jewelry every day, not just to be dressed up. I love silver and white gold, and I want more of it. I'm an independent woman, damnit! I'm gonna buy my own bling!!
If I remember to take some pictures of my new bling, I'll show it off.
I've been really happy lately. I feel good. I feel better than I have in years, I think. I feel confident in myself. I feel good about where I'm going. I feel like I'm embarking on a life that smells nice and has a silver bracelet in it. :-)
Friday, March 02, 2007
March 2, 2007 7:57pm
I sorted through my "I'll sort through this later" pile. Actually, it turned into a bag. Inside this bag, I found pens, note pads, a travel mug, and various other pharmaceutical freebies. Bonus! Gee, if I had known it would be like a shopping trip, I would have gone thought it a long time ago.
I have an exam on Monday, so I should be studying.
I'm painfully alone at the moment. It's just too quiet here. Sometimes I really hate not having a roommate, or a close neighbor who is just "there", even if we aren't interacting.
Sigh
On that note, I've made some headway in finding a place to live starting in July. After my unsuccessful attempts at getting housing information from the hospital I will be at, I asked the clinical education office at my school to help me out. I got the name of a real estate agent, and the name of some random dude who rents houses in that area. The random dude is listed on the US Pawnbrokers Association, which just seems shady to me. So I think I'll go with the real estate agency.
I was able to contact Century 21 yesterday and spoke to a very nice woman named Julie/Jane/Janice/Jenny/Jerry (I'm really, really terrible with names). I told her I was looking for a place to rent that would be no more than 2 bedrooms and that would allow me to have a pet. I told a little white lie by saying that I have a dog. I don't actually have the dog yet, but if I start making it seem like dog + me = one unit, then maybe they won't try to say "oh, well, all we can find is this one place that doesn't allow pets."
So, Julie/Janice/Jenny/Jojo told me that she doesn't have anything available right now, but she should be able to find something for me.
Moving is such a pain in the ass, but I have to do it.
I have an exam on Monday, so I should be studying.
I'm painfully alone at the moment. It's just too quiet here. Sometimes I really hate not having a roommate, or a close neighbor who is just "there", even if we aren't interacting.
Sigh
On that note, I've made some headway in finding a place to live starting in July. After my unsuccessful attempts at getting housing information from the hospital I will be at, I asked the clinical education office at my school to help me out. I got the name of a real estate agent, and the name of some random dude who rents houses in that area. The random dude is listed on the US Pawnbrokers Association, which just seems shady to me. So I think I'll go with the real estate agency.
I was able to contact Century 21 yesterday and spoke to a very nice woman named Julie/Jane/Janice/Jenny/Jerry (I'm really, really terrible with names). I told her I was looking for a place to rent that would be no more than 2 bedrooms and that would allow me to have a pet. I told a little white lie by saying that I have a dog. I don't actually have the dog yet, but if I start making it seem like dog + me = one unit, then maybe they won't try to say "oh, well, all we can find is this one place that doesn't allow pets."
So, Julie/Janice/Jenny/Jojo told me that she doesn't have anything available right now, but she should be able to find something for me.
Moving is such a pain in the ass, but I have to do it.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
March 1, 2007 10:28pm
I have come to a crossroads with my hair.
Since I was about 15, I've had super short hair. My hair is naturally very very straight and very very fine. Short hair is easy to maintain and I don't have to fight with it every morning.
I haven't been able to get a haircut for a while. I am well overdue. My hair is now longer than it has been in years. I can still manage it, though.
I'm considering growing it out.
This is not an easy decision. I don't know what the short-long hair transition will require. Will I need to get it cut to get it into some sort of shape that doesn't make me look like a homeless woman? Can I just grow it out?
And once it is grown out, what if I realize it looks as terrible as I feared all along? Huh? Then what do I do?
I'm going to try and not panic about it until my bangs are in my eyes. Well, they're already in my eyes. I mean until they are covering my eyes.
I just don't know what to do with my hair!!!
Since I was about 15, I've had super short hair. My hair is naturally very very straight and very very fine. Short hair is easy to maintain and I don't have to fight with it every morning.
I haven't been able to get a haircut for a while. I am well overdue. My hair is now longer than it has been in years. I can still manage it, though.
I'm considering growing it out.
This is not an easy decision. I don't know what the short-long hair transition will require. Will I need to get it cut to get it into some sort of shape that doesn't make me look like a homeless woman? Can I just grow it out?
And once it is grown out, what if I realize it looks as terrible as I feared all along? Huh? Then what do I do?
I'm going to try and not panic about it until my bangs are in my eyes. Well, they're already in my eyes. I mean until they are covering my eyes.
I just don't know what to do with my hair!!!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
February 28, 2007 7:37pm
Weekend was nice. Mom visited. We did the whole mother-daughter bonding thing.
This week has been uneventful, except for that my sorry ass overcame it's needle fear and.....
Okay, that's not entirely true. After being badgered and made to feel like a piece of shit for never giving blood in my life, I went down to the blood drive being held at school today. Oh, I was chickenshit for sure. I tiptoed in, refused to sign in right away. Insisted on watching what happened to others first. After deciding that it was too humiliating to turn back, I sat down in the chair to go through the pre-blood letting process.
Turns out, my iron is too low. There is some irony (pun intended) in this because I eat a very high protein, high whole grain, high vegetable diet.
My Iron wasn't so low that I'm about to die from lack of hemoglobin or anything. In fact, it's perfvectly normal. It's just too low for the Red Cross. Whatever those vampires do with the blood lowers the iron in it so mine has to be higher.
Well shit!
At least I tried.
This week has been uneventful, except for that my sorry ass overcame it's needle fear and.....
Okay, that's not entirely true. After being badgered and made to feel like a piece of shit for never giving blood in my life, I went down to the blood drive being held at school today. Oh, I was chickenshit for sure. I tiptoed in, refused to sign in right away. Insisted on watching what happened to others first. After deciding that it was too humiliating to turn back, I sat down in the chair to go through the pre-blood letting process.
Turns out, my iron is too low. There is some irony (pun intended) in this because I eat a very high protein, high whole grain, high vegetable diet.
My Iron wasn't so low that I'm about to die from lack of hemoglobin or anything. In fact, it's perfvectly normal. It's just too low for the Red Cross. Whatever those vampires do with the blood lowers the iron in it so mine has to be higher.
Well shit!
At least I tried.
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