August 27, 2006 8:47pm

I want a dog. I'm not a big fan of cats, mostly because of the severe allergic reaction I have whenever I am near one. Someone at school was giving away 5 puppies; half black lab, half german shepherd. i wanted one so badly I actually cried when I got in my truck and drove away and didn't have one with me.

My landlord won't let me have a pet, or I would now be the proud owner of two half lab half shepherd puppies named Miles and Coltrane, or Fred and Ginger depending on the sexes.

Thinking about dogs makes me realize how much I prefer dogs to people.

And that makes me realize how much I don't want to get married.

I sort of grew into the idea of getting married the longer DB and I were together. Maybe it's the break-up, maybe it's just me realizing I'm better off unmarried. Either way, I just really hate the idea of getting married. I know it works for a lot of people, but I just don't see it working for me.

This doesn't mean that I don't want to have someone in my life or have kids and a family of my own one day. It just means I really don't think I need to get married to have that.

I brought this up with my mom tonight. The conversation went like this:
Me: I really hate the idea of marriage. I just don't ever want to get married. It seems like a very co-dependent thing to be involved in.
Mom: But if you want to have children, being married makes it easier.
Now, there is some irony here because I think that my mother being married to my father actually made my life as a child much harder than it had to be. But I digress....
Me: You don't HAVE to be married to have kids.
Mom: Well, yeah, but, um, that's kind of, um, weird.
Me: It's only weird if you have no idea who the father is. That's very different from just not being married to him.
Mom: ::silence::

If I was pregnant, that would have been an awesome intro to that bombshell.

Maybe my thoughts on this will change one day, but I don't see that happening any time soon.

Oddly enough, I do want a family very much. My poor mother. She tries so hard not to flip out when I make decisions she doesn't agree with. The rest of my family isn't quite as accepting.

On a totally unrelated note....I want ice cream right now. I have some Breyers French Vanilla in the freezer. I have to say that I do not like it at all. It tastes sticky. Not refreshing. I'm off to find some plain ice cream that will melt nicely into an ice cream soup.

August 24, 2006 11:50pm

4 Days closer to being 30.

That's how I'm going to measure my life.

Today's thoughts are on laundry. I love doing laundry. In fact, I have what I like to call a "laundry lab" here. I have the detergent, bleach, oxyclean, stain stick, fabric softener all line dup on top of the dryer. I add carefully measured amounts of these things to my loads of laundry. There's something very satisfying about putting things in that are dirty and having them come out clean.

You can change the way your clothes smell just by changing your detergent. Think about how amazing that is. Think about the people you love the most. Don't they have a certain smell? Sometimes it's from their laundry detergent. You can give yourself a completely different smell just by switching to a new detergent!

I have a friend whose laundry smells so good. I think it's Tide, but I can't duplicate it exactly. Every time I'm around him I breathe deeply because he just smells so darn good! And I know it's his clothes because he has a clean laundry smell. Then everything he touches in my house has that smell and i love it. I become a psycho and start sniffing throw pillows.

I really love laundry.

August 20, 2006 11:23am

Today is my 25th birthday.  For the first time in years, I actually want to make a big deal about my birthday.  Maybe it's because I'm trapped at school and can't really do much to celebrate. 

I am going to lunch with a friend today, so that's something. 

I don't like being 25.  I thought I would have more accomplished by now.  I know that sounds absurd, but I really thought I'd be further along in my life.  I thought I'd be more settled with a job and just general lifestyle. 

A lot of that changed this year and was beyond my control.  I hate when other people don't understand my plans! 

August 18, 2006 11:57pm

Pizza makes me thirsty.  Not just normal "Hey I ate something salty so I need a cold drink" kind of thirsty, but more like "I have stopped producing antidiuretic hormone and I need a constant flow of liquid into my body" thirsty.

I had three slices of pizza for dinner tonight and have since finished off 3 Quarts of unsweetened iced tea.  Let me tell you.... I am a peeing fiend!  I just can't help myself. 

I don't think this is normal.  I feel like I should be able to handle my salt a little better. 

This summer I had abnormally high blood pressure.  After a million tests, I was told that it was probably due to stress and anxiety and I needed to just relax more. Just as quickly as it got high, it went back to being quite low.  When it was high I didn't know and didn't care.  Now that it's low, every time I stand up I instantly get dizzy and my heart pounds so hard I think it's going to jump out of my chest.  I would worry about this, except in school today I learned that this is a normal reaction as long as it lasts just a few minutes.  It does.  It's called "reflex tachycardia".  What happens is that all my blood falls down in my body because of gravity and my heart tried to pump faster to get more of it to my brain. 

Yay for my heart looking out for my brain's best interest. 

But none of this is related to my thirst issues. 

When I don't eat salty food I don't get thirsty.  Sometimes it will be 3 or 4 in the afternoon before I realize I haven't had anything to drink.  I live in a constant state of dehydration and, therefore, low blood pressure. 

I read one of BBM's posts on how she drinks milk with every meal and something clicked in my head "that sounds yummy".  So now I am addicted to drinking organic milk with every meal...except pizza because that doesn't sound yummy at all. 

August 16, 2006 11:39am

Why are people so afraid of the word "dead"?  I don't mean having a fear of death, I mean fear or dislike of saying the word "dead".   What is with this "passed away" bullshit?  If something or someone is dead then dead is what they should be called.  The only things that are passed are tests and gas. 

When my dad died I remember calling my sister and saying the words "Daddy died."  There was no question of what happened.  He was dead.  No longer alive.  Ceased to be.

Even in medical school they tell us that if a patient dies and we are informing the family we should clearly say, "I'm sorry, but they died."  We aren't supposed to say "I'm sorry, but they passed away."  or "They passed on."  Also to be avoided are the cruder "kicked the bucket", "bought the farm", "paid the piper", etc.  We are supposed to say the word "dead" because it's real.  It doesn't sugar coat it.  There's no room for interpretation. 

So why is it in general conversation we say "passed away"?  I believe in heaven.  Some people don't.  But even if you do, the person is still dead.  It's their spirit that lives on, but their body is most decidedly dead. 

I want to start a movement to bring back the word "dead".  Don't be afraid of it. 

August 14, 2006 12:46pm

Back at school.

I really don't want to be here.  Everything is just annoying me.  People.  Heat.  General life.  I'm just irritated by it all. 

My mom came down this weekend and helped me settle in.  She cleaned my apartment for me and made it livable. 

Today is my frist day back in class. 

I feel somewhat like an outcast, and I'm not entirely sure why. 

I'll try to say more later.

August 5, 2006 10:06pm

Calling all parents or people who were once children.......

I'm trying to find a kid's book that I remember.  Don't know the title, though.

The story is about a bear and a doll that live on the same shelf in a store.  Nobody buys them and they become really good friends.  One day, a little boy buys the bear and a little girl buys the doll and they go to different places, but are happy in their new homes.

Sucks, I know.  I would make my mom read it to me over and over in hopes that the ending would change.  It didn't. 

Any idea what the title is?  I must find this book!!


I continued my movie marathon today.  Match Point actually wasn't so bad, but I can add it to the list of movies that have no real ending.  I can also add Broken Flowers to that list and possibly even put it at the top since every conflict in the story line went completely unresolved. 

August 3, 2006 9:29pm

After my attempts at going to the the beach today were hampered by the heat, I decided to make a movie day.  I headed over to blockbuster and rented just about anything I could get my hands on that I hadn't already seen or was totally uninterested in.

After several hours of movie watching, take-out from Surf Taco, and many glasses of iced tea I can safely say I have seen two of the worst movies ever made:
1) Domino
2)Aeon Flux

That's about 4 hours of my life that I'm never going to get back.